Written by Ian | 22 March 2010

Your bracket is busted.  We know this.  You don't have to tell us.  You were wrong about Kansas, thought Vanderbilt was better than they are, and didn't even know Saint Mary's was a school.

It's okay, step back from the ledge, because you're in the same boat as everyone else.  What do you do now?  Start Sweet Sixteen brackets, that's what.  Screw the 65 team tournament and start all over again with Sweet Sixteen pools. 

Now that I've convinced you, I'll help you pick your way to the Final Four.  We won't do any basketball analysis on defensive vs. offensive match ups though.  No, there will be no talk of which team will be able to force tempo.  From here on we'll use the tried and tested way to pick brackets.  We're going to pick based upon mascot match ups.  Read on for can't-lose Sweet Sixteen bracket picks.

 Round of 16

Northern Iowa vs. Michigan State:  UNI's mascot is a panther and Michigan State's is a Spartan.  I usually like animals over humans, but have you seen what the kid did to that giant wolf-thing in 300?  Spartans all the way.

Tennessee vs. Ohio State:  Volunteers vs. Buckeyes.  Neither of these exactly strike fear into my heart, but I'll take friendly people over a damned nut any day.  Vols easily here.

Syracuse vs. Bulter:  We're looking at orange men against bulldogs here.  I'm not sure why painting oneself orange would be dangerous, but I love bulldogs.  They're awfully cute and you don't want to be bitten by one of those little bastards.  Butler in a close one.

Xavier vs. Kansas State:  Kansas State's mascot is a wildcat, and I do love that, but Musketeers have swords!  Any mascot with a sword can be difficult to tangle with.  Bru's favorite team marches on to the Elite Eight here.

Kentucky vs. Cornell:  Again, we have wildcats and it appears Cornell's mascot is the "Big Red."  They do have a grizzly bear in their logo, but I'm going with team names here.  Much like Western Kentucky, I have no earthly idea what a "Big Red" is, so I'll stick with the Wildcats in this one.

Washington vs. West Virginia:  Huskies against the Mountaineers.  This looks like a great match up on paper.  Huskies are tough dogs that potentially have a little wolf in their blood while Mountaineers are known for hunting wild game in, well, the mountains.  I'll take a human with a black powder rifle over a snarling beast in a close one.

Duke vs. Purdue:  Blue Devils vs. Boilermakers here.  I'm not really sure what the boilermaker is.  Is he a railroad worker?  A steel layer?  Gage, a little help?  The only boilermaker I'm acquainted with involves whiskey and beer.  While I give a hat tip to that combination, I'll stick with a royal blue beast from Hell on this one.

Baylor vs. Saint Mary's:  Bears against Gaels.  No damned clue what a Gael is so Bears by 6.

Round of Eight

Spartans vs. Volunteers:  Our first human vs. human match up!  According to history King Leonidas was wiped out at Thermopylae by a bunch of slaves forced to fight.  Imagine what would have happened if they were a volunteer army that actually wanted to be there.  Vols in a blood bath.

Bulldogs vs. Musketeers:  Bulldogs are full of tenacity, but how tenacious can you be with a bloody sabre sticking out your rib cage?  XU by a hair.

Wildcats vs. Mountaineers:  Ugh, this one is a toughy.  No one knows how many times this battle was waged in 1800's Appalachia.  Mountain man will have just waged a war against a dog while the Cats will have cruised past an unknown entity.  I think that gives UK the gas to take a lickin' and deliver a death blow to WVU.

Blue Devils vs. Bears:  Tough call here.  Who knows what mysterious powers a blue devil actually has?  What we do know is that bears are stone cold killers that will do anything to get to your trash.  If you've ever seen the skanks that hang out near Duke trying to baby-trap a smart kid you know that Duke is in some serious trouble here.  Bears stick it out and root Duke out of the tournament.

So there you have it.  The final four will be, without a doubt, Tennessee, Xavier, Kentucky, and Baylor.  It's a can't miss.  Just send your email to Cohron when you win a bundle.

Written by Jason Brubaker | 19 March 2010

One weekend in, and most of my brackets are irrecoverably screwed up. I knew this tournament would be tough to call...but Ohio University? Cornell? Come on. This is absurd.

So with that in mind, here's a few lessons I've taken from the first weekend of games. Maybe I'll remember to put these into play next year. Most likely however, I'll forget about them, and then find myself next year wondering why in the world I put trust in the seventh-place team in the Big East.

The Atlantic 10 is what I thought it was.  Living  in close proximity to Xavier University, I'm constantly bombarded with the idiocy of A10 fans, who apparently live in an alternate universe where you boast about Sweet 16 appearances. When a few teams from the A10 started having success this year, the phrases "criminally underrated league" and  "comparable to any conference in the country" were required to be in every Cincinnati-area sports article, written by the same moronic writers who proclaim every spring that this will be the Reds' year. So what did I do? I bought into it. I don't know why. Perhaps I was naive, perhaps I was drunk - I can't explain it. But I did it. I picked Temple to not only knock off Cornell, but also to handle business against Wisconsin in the 2nd round. I heard all year about their defense and grit and toughness. So what did they do? They allowed Cornell, a team full of white guys, to shoot 56%. Thanks a lot guys. Combine that with Richmond - another supposed great defensive team who gave up 29 points to some guy named Omar for St. Mary's - and this supposed great conference is left with only Xavier in the tournament. And anyone who knows me is fully aware of my thoughts on Xavier. So it's safe to say the A10 has ruined my weekend. And next year, when someone tells me how good Rhode Island is, or about how Dayton really has a chance to make a run, I'll do what I should have done this year...punch them in the face. Repeatedly. This is a one-bid league, and I will never believe otherwise.

More lessons after the jump.

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Written by Josh Cohron | 17 March 2010

The games begin in a few hours and you're still not sure who to pick in that dreaded 5-12 matchup? Have no fear! We present the 2nd (Not Actually) Annual A-Z of the NCAA Tournament. We've tried to pick teams that you may not know a lot about, except for a few homer selections (and because the letters didn't match any other teams). This is for entertainment only, as most of these teams should be eliminated in the first round.

A: San Diego State Aztecs: For their first round game, the Aztecs have to travel FROM San Diego TO Providence, Rhode Island in the middle of March. And here we thought that going to the NCAA Tournament was a reward!

B: Ohio Bobcats: What if your big brother was a big asshole who thought he was awesome, but usually never came through when it really counted? That's what it's like to be a student at Ohio.

C: UC Santa Barbara Gauchos: What the hell is a Gaucho? It sounds like the Native American version of the Snuggie. Can't you imagine the commercials, "Do you ever get your hands tied up in your multi-colored traditional blanket??? Well... we've added sleeves! It's the Gaucho!"

D: Old Dominion Monarchs: Most years, Old Dominion's women's team could beat their men's team.

E: East Tennessee State Buccaneers: ETSU was founded as the East Tennessee State Normal School, which really says a lot about people that went to any other school in Tennessee.

F: Florida Gators: Most of us started college before Google got big. What if you had been able to do a Google Images Search of "Florida Girls" before you chose a school? Would there have been any question as to where you would have gone to school? No, no there would not.

G: Montana Grizzlies: On the same note, if I were an administrator trying to get kids to come to Montana for school, I would put some pictures up of hot girls that didn't actually go to Montana to try and drive up the numbers.

H: Houston Cougars: I would definitely watch the Cougars play if there starting five were: Diane Lane, Kristin Davis, Teri Hatcher, Jenny McCarthy and Jennifer Aniston.

I: Northern Iowa Panthers: How the hell does Head Coach Ben Jacobson get guys to come play for him? Not only do you have to live in Cedar Falls, IA for four years, but then you have to wear purple the entire time? At least the Lakers are in Los Angeles.

J: Kansas Jayhawks: Kansas is going to win the tournament. That's all you need to know.

K: Kentucky Wildcats: You know about John Wall, Patrick Patterson and DeMarcus Cousins, but do you know who UK's real MVP is? The great mind behind White Dress Day.

L: Lehigh Mountain Hawks: When choosing the school's color scheme, Lehigh administrators opted for brown and... brown. "Here's what we want, we want a lighter, tannish brown over a more poop-colored brown. That will look splendid!"

M: Morgan State Bears: It's not a good sign when a school's lacrosse team has its on page on Wikipedia, but the basketball team doesn't. Congratulations, Morgan State, on being the most irrelevant team in the entire tournament!

N: North Texas Mean Green: How can you think of North Texas without thinking of the film classic, Necessary Roughness? Sinbad playing football! Kathy Ireland in her 20s!

O: Oakland Golden Grizzlies: Oakland University is not in Oakland, CA. It is in Rochester. Not Rochester, NY, but Rochester, MI. How the hell does anyone find this place to attend it?

P: Arkansas Pine Bluff Golden Lions: Have you ever been to Pine Bluff, Arkansas? Reffering to anything there as 'golden' is a bit of a stretch.

Q: Question: If you were a hot dog, would you eat yourself?

R: Robert Morris Colonials: Their mascot is RoMo, a person dressed in clothing from colonial times. Is their student section referred to as the RoMo-sexuals?

S: Siena Saints: I knew a girl once named Siena. She did this amazing thing with Pop Rocks and ice. Needless to say, she was no saint.

T: Tennessee Volunteers: You won't see a lot of Orange in Providence this weekend, as that would mean Volunteer fans couldn't keep up with the football team's off-season weight training activities.

U: Utah State Aggies: Utah State takes on Texas A&M in their first round game. Texas A&M also happens to be the Aggies. The definition of 'aggie' must be a school that takes a backseat to two other schools in its state.

V: Vermont Catamounts: Nothing bad will be said about Vermont because Phish, the greatest band in all the land, got its start there.

W: Wofford Terriers: Wofford produced these douchebags on the left. What else needs to be said?

X: Xavier Musketeers: Each year, Xavier and Cincinnati play to determine which school is in a worse part of Cincy. No one really wins, though, because there is nothing nice about Cincinnati.

Y: Brigham Young Cougars: Sure, we make a lot of Mormon jokes on the site, but do you watch Big Love? The guy is married to three sexy women; one that's already a cougar and two that will be. What's so wrong with this scenario?

Z: Zenyatta: In an NCAA Tournament field this bad, the most dominant horse in the world even stands a chance.

 

Written by Josh Cohron | 16 March 2010

You wouldn't think it, but we get hundreds (if not thousands) of emails a week from StadiumDrives.com readers. Some of them tell us how great we are, others how bad we are. Often, we'll get tips of stories. Sometimes, sites will even let us know that they stole our work, it was a hit on their site and thank us. Others just write in for advice or have questions about their life. I decided to give the old inbox a cleaning again and pick out some of the best (and worst) emails.* If you can't decipher our e-mail address from the sidebar and would like to send something in, send it via Twitter to @JoshCohron.

If you actually want to hit on a girl successfully, try not singing the Words With Friends theme song you came up with to them. Sure, the song is catchy, but it's NOT a good way to pick up a girl. For the record, screaming, "JOHN (EXPLETIVE) WALL!!!" every five minutes at a bar isn't either. - Multiple females, Atlanta, GA

That should let you know about how well I did with the ladies this past weekend in Atlanta.

Wow, this whole March Madness thing is so entertaining!  I want to watch every game and buy all the (expletive) that is advertised to me during commercial breaks since I'm too impatient to DVR the games and fast forward through the commercials.  Why doesn't NCAA football do the same thing?  That might make me watch a TCU/Boise State football game rather than Man Vs Food reruns. - Landon (an actual reader submission!)

This email provoked more questions than answers:

• How does Landon already know that March Madness is entertaining?
• Was this email written from the future?
• What stuff is going to be advertised during the games?
• People actually DVR games and fast forward through the commercials?
• Why doesn't NCAA football do what?
• What would cause anyone to watch a TCU/Boise State football game?
• Who watches Man Vs Food?
• Should I just stick to fake emails?
• How many beers had Landon consumed before writing this?

Did you see that Esquire is running a sexiest woman contest? Lane Kiffin is in it!!! I voted for him. What does that say about me? - Spanky, Knoxville, TN

First, it says you're homosexual (not that there's anything wrong with that). Second, it caused me to see what Spanky was talking about. In fact, Esquire actually put Lane Kiffin in a sexiest woman contest. And, it appears as if Spanky and his friends are actually voting Lane Kiffin as a sexier woman than Natalie Gulbis.

Right now, Lane Kiffin has over 11,000 votes to Gulbis' mere 5309. You mouthbreathers need to get a life. Seriously, you've become embarrassing to yourselves. Lane Kiffin is a MALE football coach. He left one job for another better job. Get over it.

Also, Natalie Gulbis is really sexy. You know, to a straight male like me.

If you think you're straight and just voted for Lane Kiffin as a sexy woman, go buy an issue of Playgirl and see what that does to your special place. I'm guessing you'll find a nice surprise.

Click Read More or I'll post only Lane Kiffin questions from here on out.

 

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Written by Grubby | 11 March 2010

The powers that be at Bloguin.com, our parent network, have released the first ever Stadium Drives App for the iPhone and Blackberry.  The journey to dethrone Words With Friends as "greatest app ever" begins here and now.

It's being marketed as an "application to keep you up to date on the latest news surrounding NCAA athletics and allow you to stay in the know while you're away from the computer."  I like to think of it as a way to have our snarky comments and opinions with you in your pocket at all times.  Who doesn't want that?  So go get it today, while supplies last.

After all, it's free!

Written by Ian | 11 March 2010

College basketball has officially reached postseason play.  We're in the middle of Championship Week, and that leads to a big question.  What wins championships?

Many things can lead a team to victory.  We saw Montana ride a single stand-out performance by Anthony Johnson to win their conference tournament on Wednesday night.  Coaching decisions are rumored to win and lose games for teams in tournament play.  Match ups are always talked about when you're facing a lose-and-go-home situation.  Talent, defense, and free throw shooting all make the list of things that will be talked about heavily in the next two weeks.

For my money, if you want to win basketball games in postseason play, give me possessions.  Talent and coaching ability can override possessions.  A free throw shooting differential can win a tight game.  But when it comes down to who wins ball games - and we don't have to exclude this talk to basketball - possessions are what matters.

This leads to a secondary question.  How exactly does a team come by (or lose) possessions in a game.  A very simplistic way to look at basketball is to consider a gain in possession as doing two things, offensive rebounding and stealing the ball from the opponent.  Alternatively, losing a possession would require a team to turn the ball over.  So how do some of the teams in the NCAA basketball rate on valuing the basketball?  Let's look at a couple of our homer teams, the number one team in the nation, a team that has been ranked in the top ten all year, and a team that has struggled throughout the year.

Read more...

Written by Josh Cohron | 10 March 2010

You wouldn't think it, but we get hundreds (if not thousands) of emails a week from StadiumDrives.com readers. Some of them tell us how great we are, others how bad we are. Often, we'll get tips of stories. Sometimes, sites will even let us know that they stole our work, it was a hit on their site and thank us. Others just write in for advice or have questions about their life. I decided to give the old inbox a cleaning again and pick out some of the best (and worst) emails.* If you can't decipher our e-mail address from the sidebar and would like to send something in, send it via Twitter to @JoshCohron.

Really? I mean... seriously... really??? - (Name withheld) (Location unimportant)

The latest in a long line of girls I've pissed off that write in to the inbox. But, I deserved that one. I really did.

What if college basketball worked like college football and there was a BCS Championship Game? - N. Saban, Alabama

This is one of the stupidest questions that has ever come through the inbox. But, seeing as Kentucky would be playing in it this year, I'll say it's a great idea... for 2010 only. Plus, it's a better idea than expanding the tourney.

This mailbag you do is the best thing this site has going. We also really like that FWP thing on Fridays. - Multiple readers

Thank you, thank you. You all are far too kind. Maybe I can get a raise. What is a 10% raise on nothing?

I would like to know who @JoshCohronthinks will win the NL East this year??? via SD or Twitter. Tryin to catch you before your 7pm bedtime. - @NickGrubb88 (via Twitter! An actual question!!!) 

Wow, an actual question from an actual reader. I am so honored, I'm going to give you my picks for  every division and even give you a World Series Champion. It's only March. That's just the kind of stand-up guy I am.

NL Division Winners: Phillies, Cardinals, Dodgers; Wildcard: Braves

NL Championship Series: Phillies over Dodgers

AL Division Winners: Yankees, Twins, Angels; Wildcard: Red Sox

NL Championship Series: Yankees over Twins

World Series: Yankees over Phillies

What's that? That's almost exactly how things played out last season? Well, get ready for another season exactly like 2009. The Yankees did nothing to make anyone think they can't repeat. If anything, they got better and younger by getting rid of Johnny Damon and Hideki Matsui and adding Curtis Granderson. The Phillies got better by bringing in Roy Halladay, and Cole Hamels should return to his 2008 form. If you don't like the Yankees winning, write your local Congressman (or GM) and tell them about it.

Also, if you are a fan of the Cubs or Mariners: Grow up. These teams have been awful for years. This isn't, "Your year!!!" Losing breeds losing.

Click Read More or I'll make you watch a spring training game between the Marlins and the Royals.

Read more...

Written by Josh Cohron | 05 March 2010

FWP (Fearless Weekend Predictions) is a (hopefully) weekly post that we used to run at our old site every Friday after college football season. It gives one of your favorite StadiumDrives writers a chance to look into the crystal ball, or the bottom of a beer bottle, to see what the forthcoming weekend holds. It's also another post that will utilize the efficiency of bullet points. As always, please take all picks as novelty and do not gamble your rent check on them, unless you feel really strongly about a certain one.

Everyone has seen it by now. Brittney Griner, a basketball player for Baylor, took a swing at an opposing player for Texas Tech the other night. The punch led PTI, Around the Horn and SportsCenter last night. People are up in arms about it. It's a big story. The #1 freshman (freshwoman?) in the country did her best Laila Ali (the only female boxer I can think of off the top of my head) on the basketball court the other night, so it's a juicy story. Can you think of another incident from women's basketball this interesting all year? Of course you can't. The sport is being dominated by one team and is incredibly boring. I am not one for violence, but women's basketball needed something like this to happen. People are actually talking about women's basketball! That doesn't happen! Should Griner be suspended? Of course she should. The two game suspension she's already been handed is plenty, though. Griner's actions shouldn't be condoned by any stretch, but the NCAA shouldn't condemn her forever either. She put women's basketball, albeit briefly, in the national media landscape. And that is not an easy thing to do.

Now that I've pissed everyone off, let's take a look at what the weekend has in store...

• Patrick Patterson will play his last game at Rupp Arena. Patterson gets a lot of credit for sticking around this year, and probably deserves more. After two tumultuous years with Billy Gillispie, he could have bolted for the NBA and the millions of dollars it offers. Patterson saw the talent coming in to Kentucky with Coach Calipari and decided to stay. Even when he has been overshadowed by UK's heralded freshmen John Wall and DeMarcus Cousins this season, Patterson kept playing hard. It would have been easy for him to give up, but he wants to win. Even if his stats aren't what they were last year, he is the rock and leader of this UK team. And for you morons that don't think he should be involved in Senior Day festivities, he's going to graduate in May. Don't you have to be a senior if you're about to graduate? Yes, yes you do.
• NFL teams will start making stupid decisions. It feels like the Super Bowl just ended, but football talk is on the forefront again. Free agency started at midnight and already teams are paying too much money for mediocre players. The Lions signed Nate Burleson to a $25 million dollar contract! Then again, they are the Detroit Lions. And, Nate Burleson is a wide receiver. Did Matt Millen somehow sneak back in their front office?
• Spring training games will get into full swing. Games in Arizona and Floalskndvciopnpqiu h84 . Sorry, I fell asleep at the keyboard just talking about spring training baseball.
• North Carolina, Purdue and Tennessee will all lose on the road. I'm sure I won't be getting a gift basket from Bru, Gage or Grubby for those picks. Carolina and its starting five of all PFs won't be able to handle the emotion of Cameron Indoor, especially when the Duke nerds realize this is their last chance this semester to be out past 10PM. Purdue is a team reeling after the loss of Robbie Hummel and plays a Penn State team that almost came back to beat Michigan State last night. Tennessee travels to Starkville and has to play a Mississippi State team that desperately needs a win after losing on Wednesday night to Auburn. Plus, it will be Jarvis Varna(r)do's last regular season game after 12 years of eligibility.
• People will watch the Oscars? Do people watch the Oscars? I sure as hell don't. Of course, the Oscars give out awards to movies from the last year. The last movie I saw in a theater was Burn After Reading in September of 2008. It was a hell of a movie. I'm not going back to the movies unless it's with some hot girl, someone like Maggie Gyllenhaal (nominated as Best Supporting Actress for Crazy Heart). Without seeing any of the movies, I'll pick Up in the Air as Best Picture, Jeff Bridges as Best Actor and that weird looking woman from Preciousas Best Actress. Also, Maggie Gyllenhaal, call me if you need a date on Sunday night.
• Florida will not get the win it needs to ensure an NCAA Tournament berth. Florida is struggling right now. They've lost two in a row coming into Sunday's game against the Cats. At 20-10, they are squarely on the bubble. A win over UK would guarantee them a spot, but that won't happen. They will likely need to win a game or two in the SEC Tournament to get into the Big Dance. If they lose in the first round of the SEC, it would be tough for the NCAA Committee to take a team that has lost four in a row. I expect UK to come out a little flat after the emotion of Senior Day, but they should have no problem with the Gators in the second half. What the hell, UK 89 Florida 75.

Written by Ian | 04 March 2010

Kentucky moved to 28-2 on the season after their win on the road at Georgia on Wednesday.  That brings their winning percentage to 93.3% on the year, or 0.933 as it looks in the standings.  The question is, can UK reach the mythical 0.900 in the standings at the end of the year?

In the last 10 seasons (counting 2010) only one team has won the national championship and finished with a win percentage greater than 90%.  That was the phenomenal 2008 Kansas team that won 92.5% of their games.  Every other national champion since 2000 has had a win percentage of greater than 82%.  Michigan State in 2000 drags up that field at 82.1%, which again shows how dangerous Thomas Izzo is in tournament play.

What does Kentucky have to do to finish the season above nine hundred?  Well, it depends greatly on their SEC tournament run.  Oh, and that little contest on Sunday against Florida. 

Situation 1:  Loss to Florida on Sunday.  If UK loses to Florida on Sunday in Ruppthey will drop to 28-3 on the season.  To win 90% of their games on for the year they would need to go at least 36-4.  That would mean they would need to go to the championship game of the SEC tournament, lose, and then win the NCAA tournament.  Alternatively, they could win the SEC tournament and go to the NCAA tournament final and lose and still end with a 36-4 record.  I'm sure Cats fans everywhere would trade a chance at their 937th SEC tourney championship for an 8th ring.  Either way, a loss to Florida at home on Sunday would require a run to both tournament championships to achieve a 90% win percentage on the year.

Situations 2:  Win vs. Florida in last regular season game.  This is where it gets interesting.  Beating Florida on Sunday puts UK at 29-2 on the season.  They still need to get to the 36-4 point to get past the 90% win percentage on the year.  That allows them to still lose in the SEC tournament and the NCAA tournament.  They'd need 7 wins split between the two tournaments to get to this level.  If they won out in the SEC tournament, they wouldn't even have to make the Final Four to finish at 90% for the year.  An Elite Eight would accomplish that. 

If UK were to win out the national championship, they could lose in the first round of the SEC tournament and still end up 35-3.  This would give them a 92.1% win percentage on the year.

The bottom line is the 2010 Kentucky basketball team has put themselves in a unique position to finish the year with a line of greater than 0.900 in the results column.  Kansas also shares this position, as they look to repeat their success of two years ago.  The bottom line is that either of these teams could win it all and be one of the best teams to play in the last decade.  A conference tournament win is not a requirement for either team to be amongst the upper echelon in win percentage, but as everyone knows, you have to win it all to be considered amongst the best in history.  Here's to hoping Kentucky can just put together a late season 10 game win streak.  If not, it'll still be one Hell of a season.