We know you cut out of work early today.  It's no big deal.  After all, it is the holiday season.  Besides, your boss took the afternoon off to go Christmas shopping, shouldn't you be able step out a couple hours early?  You've worked hard all year.  Profits are up 80% in your business unit in this tough economy.  You owe it to yourself to relax a little.  We're sure you'll turn to ESPN for your sports viewing this afternoon and over the next few days.  If that's the case, use this definitive guide for your weekend sports-watching schedule.

Friday

8pm (ESPN) - Blazers vs. Cavs.  Lebron is fun to watch and Portland's still got Greg Oden right?  Oh.

9:30pm (ESPNU) - Duncanville vs. Lincoln in a battle of two Texas high school powerhouses.  Wait, it's basketball?  WTF?

1am (ESPN2) - National Finals Rodeo.  We know you're struggling to put down that 13th Heineken, so tune in, crack a Bud Heavy, and tighten your belt for blood.

Saturday

7:30am (ESPN2) - Stoke City vs. Wigan Athletic.  It may still hurt from last night, but wake your hungover ass up and tune in for some early morning EPL action.  Sure beats the Hell out of MLS action.  (Okay, so you hate soccer and don't want to be up before 9.  At least drag yourself out of bed for some American Gladiators reruns on Classic).

Noon (ESPN) - Ohio State vs. Butler.  ESPN's website lists this as "Horizon League Basketball."  I know Ohio State isn't top 5, but c'mon.

4pm (ESPN) - 1AA football (up yours FCS!), Appalachian State vs. Montana.  This is worth more time than watching a couple MAC teams flail about.

8pm (ESPN) - Heisman presentation.  You've been hearing the hype about it all week.  Just tune in the last 10 minutes to watch the presentation and save yourself another hour of "Tebow's numbers aren't that good, Suh is a manchild, Gerhart deserves to win" talk.

9pm (ESPN) - "The U" on 30 For 30.  A lot of hype on this subject this week too.  Several of the 30 For 30 bits have been pretty good and this one probably won't let you down no matter if you're a fan of, or hate, Miami football.

11pm (ESPN2) - National Final Rodeo.  C'mon, it's grown men riding livestock and getting stomped in the nuts!  Great fodder to have on in the background while you're entertaining guests.  Or the five guys that always hang out at your house on Saturday night.  Whatever.

Sunday

10am (ESPN2) - Bassmaster Tournament Trail Preview.  Think all that rodeo got your blood pumping?  Shit, that's nothing.  Tune in to watch some of the most exciting moments in sport, professional fishing!  Wait, it's a preview of a league for fishing tournaments?  Wow.

Noon (ESPN) - PBA World Championship.  If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand time.  Sundays are for bowling.

3:30pm (ESPNU) - Women's basketball: Rutgers vs. Tennessee.  Watch some nappy headed ho's stunning young ladies take on the all-time greatest women's program of all time.

And that about wraps it up.  I'm sure Sunday can be shored up by hitting the networks and watching football.  Whatever you watch, grab a few cold ones and find a way to stay warm.  It's going to be a cold one.

Welcome to the inaugural edition of the Best Bet Weekend.  From time to time I will drop by and spell-out the top five best bets in the sporting world for the upcoming weekend.  By the way, I have never bet on sports in my life so you can count on me.  I have the vocabulary of a 2nd grader so please don't make fun.  Intentional misspellings and poor grammar will be in italics. 

1. Army v Navy (-14) - Navy finishes the season on a 7 - 2 run with key wins over Notre Dame and Wake Forest.  Army closes out the season with big time wins over VMI and North Texas State A&M International University.  A classic match-up that the good folks down at the Mayfair Villiage Retirement Center can't wait to watch right after a smashing game of bingo.  Nobody cares as Navy easily covers this one.

2. Chargers @ Cowboys (-3) - The Chargers have put together a string of 7 straight wins because they are scoring an average of 28.5 points per game this season.  The Dallas offense is only putting up 23 and two bits and has been struggling as of late - not to mention Romo's December woes.  I like Miles Austin and Justin Witten, but the Bolts will be too much for them to handle.  Take the Chargers in this one and stay classy, San Diego.

3. Nets @ Pacers (-3.5) - I don't know anything about the NBA, but I do know that the Nets are putrid.  I also know that Reggie Miller may or may not still play for Indiana.  I also bought a Pacers t-shirt one time because I thought it looked cool and because it was on sale for $5.  Since then, I have cut out the sleeves and now mow my yard in said shirt.  For this reason alone, the Circle City boys will cover.

4. Brian Kelly Completes a Perfect Season in His College Carreer (75:1) - Coach Kelly put together a great season at Cincy capped by an unforgettible win against Pitt.  The Bearcats (who may or may not have got screwed by the BCS) will be putting their perfect season on the line against the heavily favored Gators without their head coach as he will be heading to South Bend.  Notre Dame is the Britney Spears of college football.  You used to really look forward to a boob slip but then the whole trailer trash thing happened and when the paparazzi finally catch a cooter shot and it makes you want to vomit.  Maybe that only makes sense to me.  Kelly never completes a perfect season in his college coaching career but may finally put together a respectible team with the Irish. 

5. Kiffin Goes to NCAA Prison at Guantanamo (2:1) - Let me say this.  Myself believe Lane are violating rules and nos it. What are you doing, Lane?  Are you even trying?  Don't you know what they do to coaches in NCAA Prison at Guantanamo?  They do very bad things, Lane.  Bad.  They make their inmates watch Glee 24 hours a day and all you have to eat there is potted meat.  I'm not saying this because I am still sour about the OT loss my boys took in Lexington, I am saying this because I am required by law to hate you as a Big Blue fan.  I'm betting the bank on this one.

Alma mater or no, I think there's a chance you'll hear this more this season.  He's running a contest for the best highlight video to this jam here, of which UTSports.com has already submitted.

Now if he can only work on that 20 foot jumper.

I dig it.  I still prefer "flow mo' cleaner than a windshield wiper."

Image via Tennessee Football Media Guide

The longer the UT Hostess saga continues, the more we're going to learn... and not just about the pretty girls from Knoxville.  Like it or not, every major program that has a dedicated student ambassador group filled with perky coeds is going to catch fallout from this.  And it's going to be most of them.

The Knoxville News-Sentinel, today, is doing some preparatory propaganda as we find out who's guilty in the eyes of the almighty NCAA.

Campus hostesses have been part of the recruiting landscape for decades, at least back to the 1960s. The general idea is that they make recruits and their families comfortable during campus visits.  Groups of attractive coeds used to have catchy names like the "Gator Getters" (Florida) or the "Hurricane Honeys" (Miami).

But that landscape has changed in the 2000s.

Sex scandals, particularly a notorious one at Colorado in 2001, have led to a more defined role for recruiting hostesses.  In 2004, UT renamed the Vol Hostess program the Orange Pride and made other changes. About the same time Alabama dropped the "Bama Belles" designation of its program. Most schools made similar adjustments under the urging of the NCAA and various conferences.

Oh, and this jurisprudence-esque revelation,

While hostesses leaving campus to help recruit is unusual - and possibly an NCAA violation - it is apparently not unprecedented.

In a published account in 2002, an Arizona State University hostess said she travelled to a high school to visit a prominent recruit.

Interesting.  But will it hold up in a court of la...hahahaha.  Couldn't do it.  Come on people, it's college kids having sex.  It  happens.  Some college kids are whores.  Some of them are school ambassadors.  That group can't be any more mutually exclusive than the Glee club or soccer team, right?

Let's not lose sight of the fact that this is nothing new.  Hell, didn't you guys watch The Program?

Kentucky's narrow win over North Carolina on Saturday just whet the appetites of fans throughout the Bluegrass.  Now they're ready for blood against UCONN.  Cal vs. Cal?  You got it!  We'll run down every second, or most of them if we don't get too drunk or too sleepy (this thing won't end until near midnight Eastern), so join along in the live blog!

ESPN will be showing a big showdown with the SEC's Kentucky Wildcats meeting the Conneticut Huskies tonight in New York.  We thought we'd look at the tale of the tape in this showdown to help predict who will win.

Husky

Average weight = 45-60 pounds, average height = 21-23.5 inches, life span of 12-15 years.  According to wikipedia, Huskies are know to be terrific sled dogs and when confronted in the wild will attack animals such as rabbits.

Wildcat (United States Bobcat)

Average weight = 16-30 pounds, average length = 28-40 inches.  Again, wikipedia shares the pearls of wisdom, saying that Wildcats generally hunt prey in the range of 1.5 to 12.5 pounds.  Damn, Huskies are a little bigger than that.  Wiki goes on to say when the Wildcat is lacking small game it will attack foxes, minks, and small dogs.  Well, at least it attacks dogs when needed, but 45-60 pounds is bigger than your average fox or mink.  Wikipedia culminates the Wildcat's hunting tendencies by saying in winter it will attack deer and can bring down prey up to eight times it's own weight during the cold months. 

Now that's what I'm talkin' about!  That means the Wildcat can take down an animal between 124-240 pounds!  That's 2 to 4 times as big as a puny Husky! 

Take heart Kentucky fans, it's in the bag!  With a predicted low of 31 tonight the Wildcat is going to be cold, hungry, and on the warpath!  Look out UCONN, you may be licking your wounds when the dust settles!

The news broke this morning, via NY Times, that the University of Tennesse football team is again under NCAA investigation.  This time based on information that a few pretty female students may have done something inappropriate in... ahem... visiting recruits at their high schools.

The hostesses are considered representatives of the university, which would mean they could not recruit players off campus. Therefore, the visits may be considered violations of N.C.A.A. recruiting rules.

Two of Lattimore’s teammates, Brandon Willis and Corey Miller, have orally committed to Tennessee. Lattimore described the hostesses as “real pretty, real nice and just real cool.” He said he thought they had “a lot” of influence in Miller’s and Willis’s commitments to Tennessee.

The group in question is an official university organization created to be ambassadors for all types of potential incoming freshmen, not only athletes.  I knew some back in my days on the Hill.  Good people, that lot, for the most part.  But then again, I didn't exactly run a 4.3 40.

We've seen them, however, speculatively linked to athletic special treament in the past.  Sure it's the kind of rogue rumor only ding dongs would believe without any hard evidence, but sometimes what starts as barely speculation, can often claw it's way into an investigation... and that's what we're seeing here.

Has Kiffin finally waded into waters he's not prepared to tread?  Or is this one more thing that "every school does" and his cocky renegade mouth has brought more negativity upon the Big Orange?  What we know now is that this type of thing is becoming a little too commonplace... or at least a little more than it was under Fulmer.  With a schedule void of cupcakes in the coming years (Oregon, Nebraska, Oklahoma)  Kiffin will surely need to bolster his depth across the board, and maybe this is one of those things coaches must do to maintain a competitive edge.  And Kiffin is proving he's not to be trifled with on that front.

Helicopters, smoke machines, pretty blonde girls with "Grubby" signage.  That's exactly how I remember my UT experience.

It's football bowl season and Stadium Drives is determined to bring you a bowl preview unlike any other.  After weeks of research, hours and hours of manual labor and debate among the staff here is the most extensive bowl preview we could offer.  (All put together in one hour the Monday after the bowls were announced.)

New Mexico Bowl - Fresno St. vs. Wyoming - If you can name 8 players in this game, email me and you can write for this site because we don't and we honestly don't care.

R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl - Southern Mississippi vs. Middle Tennessee State - The Sun Belt and Conference USA clash in this mediocre bowl game sponsored by R+L Carriers.  Is it R and L or R plus L Carriers?  I'd prefer to research the answer to the and/plus question rather than watch this game.

Las Vegas Bowl - Oregon State vs. BYU - Mormons chasing Beavers.  Email your own perverted, politically incorrect jokes about this one.

Poinsettia Bowl - Utah vs. California - I used to sell Poinsettias for my church youth group during Christmas.  We used it as an opportunity to raise money for our annual youth group retreat in the summer.  As much as you care about my selling poinsettias is as much as I care about this game.

Hawaii Bowl - SMU vs. Nevada - lmk/lmk/mlklmlniilimlimnjimlil...................sorry I nodded off and my face hit the key board.

Little Caesars Bowl - Ohio vs. Marshall - $8.47 for a Large Pepperoni Pizza, Crazy Bread and Sauce at Little Caesars.  Tickets to Ohio vs. Marshall game are $6.37.

Emerald Bowl - Boston College vs. Southern California - USC in the Emerald Bowl??  All 5 star recruits at USC are now required to return all the illegal booster money, under the table gifts and freshmen white girl virginities they were given this year.  Is virginities a word?  If it wasn't, it is now.

Music City Bowl - Clemson vs. Kentucky - No matter what the score says and no matter how many all purpose yards Randall Cobb has in this game, any Kentucky fan that says Randall Cobb is better than C.J. Spiller should be shot on the spot.  (Trust me, it will happen.)

Champs Sports Bowl - Miami vs. Wisconsin - Everyone who really thought Miami was going to win the ACC and compete for a National Championship + the number of people who wish Wisconsin was still a relevant football program = 43, the number of tickets sold to this bowl game.

Roady's Humanitarian Bowl - Idaho vs. BGU - Half time entertainment of this game includes clips of Patrick Swayze in Road House, Motley Crue roadies sleeping with band leftovers, an E! True Hollywood Story of truck stop hookers and an infomercial about all the exciting things happening in Idaho.  Tune in for half time, the rest of the game can be ignored.

Insight Bowl - Minnesota vs. Iowa State - Battling to go 7-6, these two teams are sure to create plenty of hype. By hype I mean utter boredom.

Gator Bowl - Florida State vs. West Virginia - Bobby Bowden says goodbye to college football.  Unfortunately for ticket holders, Bowden shows up at the Outback Bowl and then picks a fight with Joe Paterno.

Rose Bowl - Oregon vs. Ohio State - 7-5 odds that LaGarrette Blount punches Jim Tressel in the sweater-vest.

International Bowl - Cubans/Mexicans vs. Polish/Irish (think about it)

Fiesta Bowl - Boise State vs. TCU - From Josh, "TCU vs. Boise State - The least watched BCS Bowl game of all time. TCU 822 Boise State 745."

Games not mentioned in this preview are either too bad to mention, too good to mention or I couldn't think of anything funny to say about them....

It's over!  The 3rd edition of Scramble (and first here at our new home) has finally finished.  And this time, with a new winner!

Ian, he of back-to-back Scramble titles, must now hand over the crown.  But to whom?  Details at 11.

Weekly Recap: This week, yours truly capped off what some would call an amazing comeback to finish in the middle of the pack (which was my goal at the outset after back-to-back last place finishes.)  Week 13 was an outright win, however championship week proved to be one for the court, as the fair Holly has joined me on the pedestal, with Samesie picks.  And Ian, as self-predicted, did in fact join Mr. Burns at the bottom.

Last week's games proved troublesome to home-stretch leader Cohron.  How bad was it?  Pretty bad.  Falling from the top of the heap to 3rd overall... with 2 correct picks... total.

Week 14 results:

6 - Holly, Grubby, Mr. Ashley
5 -  ERIC!, Colin
4 - Ian, Brubaker
2 - Cohron

Team Recap: The final team tally was 19-19 this week, meaning Everybody Loves Tim Tebow, a team featuring Cohron, Ms. Anderson, and ERIC!! himself, hand-chosen by one Mr. Ashley Burns, wins the title.  Stadium Drives t-shirts all around!

And yes, for those of you doing the math at home, this means that for the first time ever, the Tailgate Pickem Scramble title will be hoisted outside the home servers.  Your winner, after the jump.

I do not care, not one bit, about the Tiger Woods story.  Although I have found quite a bit of humor in how people are handling it, and feel it is my duty to share this with you.

Jasper Parnevik is one via the LA Times.

"I'm kind of filled with sorrow for Elin since me and my wife are at fault for hooking her up with him, and we probably thought he was a better guy than he is.

I would probably have to apologize to her and hope she uses a driver next time instead of a three-iron."

Here are a few other tweets that made me chuckle.

• By using Tiger Woods' definition of 'transgressions,' I haven't transgressed anyone in a long, long time.
• Dear Brett Favre, Can you retire again? Thanks, Tiger
• I would like to apologize to my friends and family for my transgressions. By transgressions I mean being awesome. Thanks.