Cleaning Out The Inbox Volume 16

Written by Josh Cohron | 09 February 2011

You wouldn't think it, but we get hundreds (if not thousands) of emails a week from StadiumDrives.com readers. Some of them tell us how great we are, others how bad we are. Often, we'll get tips of stories. Sometimes, sites will even let us know that they stole our work, it was a hit on their site and thank us. Others just write in for advice or have questions about their life. I decided to give the old inbox a cleaning again and pick out some of the best (and worst) emails.* If you can't decipher our e-mail address from the sidebar and would like to send something in, send it via Twitter to @JoshCohron.

What the hell happened to your (expletive) website and that stupid (expletive) fake mailbag you used to do? Have the 5 people that used to read the site actually found the rest of the internet to waste their time on? Go (expletive) yourself, (expletive). - A female, Anytown, USA

That was nice. I'm glad I got welcomed back so warmly. I'll be honest, I don't even know if this site still works. Much like... nevermind. Let's move on.

Is your mother a prostitute? - @scott_ish 

Wow, I'm really getting welcomed back with open arms. What am I, getting interviewed by the Miami Dolphins? I would think of a comeback to this, but @scott_ish said that the Heat wouldn't make the playoffs this year, so I don't need to make fun of him any further. 

Is Danica Patrick truly attractive or is it that she appears hot because she is the only vagina relief in a field of 42 wangs? - @TylerKY

I actually covered a similar question last year, but there's not much content today, so I can answer this again.

Under no circumstances is Danica Patrick attractive. Take the GoDaddy.com (or .co, whatever the hell that was) ad from the Super Bowl. They always have some tagline at the end, "Continued on our website... WARNING: WEB CONTENT IS UNRATED!" Who in their right mind would want to go see that tiny, unattractive woman in anything construed as "unrated?" Danica Patrick is about 4'5" and if you saw her walking down the street and didn't know who she was, you would think she's a 6... at best. Her most attractive quality is that she's rich.

There are attractive women in sports, like say, Ana Ivanovic (pictured to the right). She's much hotter than that pea-sized woman driver.

Why can't Scotty Hopson dribble? - Grubby

Blame the hair. Or Will Smith. Or Will Smith's hair.

MFK: The Progressive insurance woman, Pam Ward, and Condoleezza Rice - @dougdeweese

First off, @dougdeweese is a must follow on Twitter. Second, this question may be the toughest I've ever received.

M: Condoleezza Rice (She's bound to be worth a lot of cash.)

F: Progressive Insurance woman (One time might be worth a discount on some car, boat or RV insurance.)

K: Pam Ward (I'm not going to M or F a dude.)

Tiger Woods was quoted this week at the Dubai Classic as saying that his 'game' was coming together.  By 'game', do you think he is referring to ability to better manage his ladies so they don't find out about each other this time?  Or is this a golf ability reference?" - @swgullett

Hell, why not both? I would think that both facets of his game would have to be better than they've been in the last 18 months.

Take golf, he's finally recovered from knee surgery and doesn't have the distraction of trying to hide 84 lovers from his wife and kids. If you were playing golf, wouldn't your mind be clearer without the fear of some Perkin's waitress telling the world you banged her? I know mine would. Not to mention, he's only 35 years old. With all the steroids in the world now, he can be a top-flight golfer for at least 10-15 more years. 

As for the ladies, I'd say he's gotten better at being discreet about things. I haven't heard about him bedding a woman since he got divorced, have you? But, if I were famous, I think I'd want people knowing about my conquests. Say you're at Kroger buying some Tostito's or something. You're about to check out and you see all those gossip magazines. The, you see Blake Lively on the cover and the headline reads, "My Torrid Affair With Josh Cohron." Hell yes. Sign me up. My friends and my mom (not a prostitute) would be so proud.

When is Calipari going to start recruiting more KY born white boys? That's how you win championships!! - @AlexHolt1

I could answer this question, but I certainly wouldn't do it any sort of justice. I'm going to let StadiumDrives.com super-friend, @JimmyFromPP answer this one.

Yeah, this is Jimmy... from Pippa Passes. I like being the one to answer the questions instead of waiting on hold for 90 minutes to get to talk to the GREAT Oscar Combs. I could not agree with you MORE, AlexHolt1. Jon Hood hit the BIGGEST shot of the game against Florida at the end of the first half, then he barely gets back in the game!!! What the hell!!! Maybe Calipari just doesn't like white boys. But, I'll tell him something. He can bring in the best players in the country, but NO UK TEAM has EVER won a NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP without a KENTUCKY born white boy on that team! Check your facts, COACH! I'll take your answer off the air. Shoot, I mean, um... talk to you guys later. Check me out on that Twitter!!!

I think a semi-racist rant from a guy from Pippa Passes is a fabulous way to end this mailbag. If more than 6 people read this, I'll do another one next week. Thanks, as always, for the questions.