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11 June 2010
It's hot outside. You have no friends. If you're reading this, you're obviously bored. Have no fear! I am here to let you know what the world has to offer. Just follow along so you'll know what to do this weekend...
Watch the World Cup. Sure, we're American, we hate soccer. But, you should watch for two reasons. 1) There's little else on TV. 2) It's the best soccer played in the world, so it's got to be decent. Plus, soccer brings out the best/worst in most countries. There will be hooligans and fans throwing stuff on the field, which is always entertaining. There will also be countless beautiful women at these games. Soccer players always get hot girls. Remember that moron Britt that stole your girlfriend in high school? Yeah, she was hot.- Don't root for the US Soccer team in the World Cup. I know, right? Listen, the US has ZERO SHOT of winning the World Cup this year. Until we get more world-class athletes on our team, our country should not support this team. The administrators at US Soccer need to get the game into the inner city, integrate the game more and then the US will be a viable soccer country. Until then, I'm not rooting for the US to do well. I don't cheer for second-rate teams. Neither should you.
- Go see Phish in Chicago. I'm the only Phish fan here? Fine, more room for me and my earthy smelling friends.
- Be excited about conference realignment. This is the first step to a college football playoff. Doesn't that excite you? Super conferences are going to be awesome. There are going to be more conference games. Plus, we all get to laugh at Kansas when they are in the Mountain West or the Missouri Valley Conference. HA HA! That is me laughing at Bill Self while he stares dumbly at an Iranian burying a 3.
- Don't call me un-American for not cheering for the US Soccer team. Being un-American is not supporting the troops. Not cheering for a bunch of 5'9 white guys who steal girlfriends is exactly American.
- Bet on the Celtics to win Game 5. Boston is going to win Game 5 Sunday night against the Lakers. Mark it down. Hell, bet your rent check on it.
- Realize I'm right about US Soccer. Yes, we have 4-5 guys who are great players on our team. The great teams in the World Cup have 18-20 great players. If we keep supporting a shitty product, we'll keep getting a shitty product. Refuse average, demand greatness!
Thanks for reading the first (and possibly last) installment of What You Should Do This Weekend.
