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25 March 2010
You wouldn't think it, but we get hundreds (if not thousands) of emails a week from StadiumDrives.com readers. Some of them tell us how great we are, others how bad we are. Often, we'll get tips of stories. Sometimes, sites will even let us know that they stole our work, it was a hit on their site and thank us. Others just write in for advice or have questions about their life. I decided to give the old inbox a cleaning again and pick out some of the best (and worst) emails.* If you can't decipher our e-mail address from the sidebar and would like to send something in, send it via Twitter to @JoshCohron.
You're really nervous about the UK/Cornell game tonight. I bet you're going to write one of those made-up mailbag things, aren't you? Also, no, I will not date you. - (A female), (Location irrelevant)
Everything you have said is true. Including the part about not dating me.
How excited are you to see me on Hard Knocks? I am brash and hilarious, you have to love that! - R. Ryan, NYC
You are hilarious and brash, this is true. But, you are also close to morbidly obese. It pains me to watch your chins wobble around during your press conferences. HBO's HD cameras are really nice, we're going to be seeing you WAY too up close and personal. I'm not sure how much I want to see you in candid situations, such as: first thing in the morning, eating breakfast, in shorts, eating lunch, wearing sleeveless t-shirts, eating dinner, drinking beer and eating the other seven meals a day you eat.
All that to say, Hard Knocks is one of the better shows on TV. It's right below The Real World and slightly above Family Guy reruns (because the new episodes suck). Fat Rex Ryan or not, we'll all be watching this summer.
I heard you think John Thompson III is a better coach than Bruce Pearl. You moron, did you see the games last weekend? Tennessee killed the team that killed Georgetown. Ha. You know less about sports than that fella that wrote about soccer! - (Multiple readers), Tennessee
Last weekend certainly didn't help my argument. It sucked, actually. But, I'm still taking JT3.
Thompson coaches in the toughest conference in the country, Pearl coaches in a football conference. Thompson has been to the Final Four, Pearl blew a 17 point halftime lead in a Sweet 16 game. Thompson runs a fine-tuned offense, Pearl has his guys stand around and occasionally run a few flex screens.
Regular season conference championships do not a good coach make. Final Fours and National Titles do. If/when Pearl gets to a Final Four, we can revisit this topic.
Is it weird that I can sense Grubby seething and this hasn't even been posted yet?
Click Read More or you'll have to watch UT play half-court offense for an hour straight.
Did I see you this past weekend? Were you the idiot at the nice restaurant standing on your chair, doing the John Wall Dance and taking multiple John Wall shots? I thought you were an obnoxious, arrogant (expletive) when you wrote. After seeing you in public, you are much worse. - J. Fleming, Lexington, KY
All these things are true. I am awesome.
What happened with your boyfriend, Lane Kiffin, in that sexiest woman contest? Did you call and console him? - (Multiple readers)
That contest is apparently still going on, but they're still in the first round as best as I can tell. That was the stupidest thing ever. Here are the reasons why (bullet points!!!):
- Lane Kiffin was in a sexiest woman contest
- Erin Andrews was a #9 seed
- Danica Patrick was beating Erin Andrews
- Serena Williams was in a sexiest woman contest
- Serena Williams was a #4 seed in a sexiest woman contest
- Lane Kiffin was in a sexiest woman contest
That was only in the sports part of the bracket. I couldn't stomach any more than that.
Good job, Esquire! I'm sure that great work will combat the dying print journalism market! Now fade back into irrelevance.
Great job on picking Kansas to win it all in your little "A-Z of the NCAA Tournament." Are you paying for the entry fees to all the pools I'm in? Thanks a lot, (expletive). - (Multiple readers)
Wow, the people are angry today! It's true, I did pick Kansas to win, but it was only because I thought every Kentucky fan would pick Kentucky to win (they did). I was playing the odds and lost. Believe me, that's not the first (or last) time.
And, sure, I'll pay your entry fee. You get 10% of my monthly salary for writing.
Which hot girl are you going to find a way to put in this week's mailbag? It's not a mailbag without a picture of a hot girl! - Chad B., Florida
Does it feel like a Scarlett Johansson day? Yes, yes it does. Keep in mind, I had to make that picture smaller. Wow wow wow.
This is a two parter: 1.)You're a betting man, so what's the over/under on how long it takes Bill Simmons to contact you to get his bit back and 2.) When is your mom gonna give me her cupcake recipe? -The W (actual reader!!!)
PS- Wait, I forgot- Bill Simmons actually has a life, and will probably never hear of this website. Carry on, my friend.
The hits keep on coming. Who is this Bill Simmons you speak of? I vaguely remember a guy by that name who used to write for ESPN.com. He was really good and really funny. He didn't take himself too seriously and wrote two or three columns a week. When his articles went up, they were appointment reading. Hell, I even wrote into his mailbag once (scroll about halfway down).
I don't think that guy writes there anymore, though. They have this new guy, The Sports Guy. He's super arrogant and thinks he can never be wrong. He thinks his years as an NBA fan have given him the credentials to be an NBA GM. He's way too busy kissing ass to people in Hollywood to actually write a good column.
Yes, obviously, they are the same person. But, in the last couple years, Simmons has lost what made him so great. He was THE fan who got to write. Then, he moved to LA, became semi-famous and got too big for writing or something. If people challenge anything he says, he rips them to shreds. He cannot be wrong.
I will give him credit, his podcasts with Jacoby about reality TV are awesome and hilarious.
As for the mailbag bit, I will be in a long line of people who need to give him thanks for that.
As for the cupcake recipe, that better not be a euphemism for something!
You ripped Grubby's coach, got ripped apart by your fictional readers, put a picture of Scarlett barely wearing a top and made a really weird reference about your mom and The W. Can this please end? - J. Cohron
Don't forget I wrote into my own fake mailbag. Mercifully, yes this is over.
*As usual, these emails are fake unless noted. We love actual submissions though!
