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 You wouldn't think it, but we get hundreds (if not thousands) of emails a week from StadiumDrives.com readers. Some of them tell us how great we are, others how bad we are. Often, we'll get tips of stories. Sometimes, sites will even let us know that they stole our work, it was a hit on their site and thank us. Others just write in for advice or have questions about their life. I decided to give the old inbox a cleaning again and pick out some of the best (and worst) emails.* If you can't decipher our e-mail address from the sidebar and would like to send something in, send it via Twitter to @JoshCohron.
If you actually want to hit on a girl successfully, try not singing the Words With Friends theme song you came up with to them. Sure, the song is catchy, but it's NOT a good way to pick up a girl. For the record, screaming, "JOHN (EXPLETIVE) WALL!!!" every five minutes at a bar isn't either. - Multiple females, Atlanta, GA
That should let you know about how well I did with the ladies this past weekend in Atlanta.
Wow, this whole March Madness thing is so entertaining! I want to watch every game and buy all the (expletive) that is advertised to me during commercial breaks since I'm too impatient to DVR the games and fast forward through the commercials. Why doesn't NCAA football do the same thing? That might make me watch a TCU/Boise State football game rather than Man Vs Food reruns. - Landon (an actual reader submission!)
This email provoked more questions than answers:
- How does Landon already know that March Madness is entertaining?
- Was this email written from the future?
- What stuff is going to be advertised during the games?
- People actually DVR games and fast forward through the commercials?
- Why doesn't NCAA football do what?
- What would cause anyone to watch a TCU/Boise State football game?
- Who watches Man Vs Food?
- Should I just stick to fake emails?
- How many beers had Landon consumed before writing this?
Did you see that Esquire is running a sexiest woman contest? Lane Kiffin is in it!!! I voted for him. What does that say about me? - Spanky, Knoxville, TN
First, it says you're homosexual (not that there's anything wrong with that). Second, it caused me to see what Spanky was talking about. In fact, Esquire actually put Lane Kiffin in a sexiest woman contest. And, it appears as if Spanky and his friends are actually voting Lane Kiffin as a sexier woman than Natalie Gulbis.
Right now, Lane Kiffin has over 11,000 votes to Gulbis' mere 5309. You mouthbreathers need to get a life. Seriously, you've become embarrassing to yourselves. Lane Kiffin is a MALE football coach. He left one job for another better job. Get over it.
Also, Natalie Gulbis is really sexy. You know, to a straight male like me.
If you think you're straight and just voted for Lane Kiffin as a sexy woman, go buy an issue of Playgirl and see what that does to your special place. I'm guessing you'll find a nice surprise.
Click Read More or I'll post only Lane Kiffin questions from here on out.
Is Colorado the worst college athletics program in the nation? - Grubby (actual question!!!)
I'll assume you mean major college athletics, since that's all anyone actually cares about.
First of all, Dan Hawkins is their football coach, which automatically puts them in the running for being the worst. That guy is a clown that can't coach. He's really good at going on rants about intramurals and D-1 football, but not coaching. He's also really good at bringing in his terrible son to play QB, but again, not a very good coach.
Their basketball team has been the to NCAA Tournament twice since 1969. That's two appearances in 41 years.
They had a girl on their football team.
Even if I put my personal disdain for Dan Hawkins aside, his record in four years at Colorado is 16-33. He has taken the Buffaloes to one bowl game and has never finished a season with a winning record. Under Hawkins, Colorado has lost to Montana State and is 2-2 against Colorado State. They are a doormat in very poor North Division of the Big XII.
Northwestern was the only other school to get consideration as the worst athletics program, since their basketball team has never been in the NCAA Tournament. But, their football team is having much more success than the Buffaloes. Also, their football coach is not Dan Hawkins.
Yes, Grubby, Colorado is officially the worst college athletics program in all of the great United States. Of course, firing Dan Hawkins would force me to reconsider my position.
 Can you believe more people have voted for Lane Kiffin as a sexy woman than for me? Also, how did I get a #8 seed in this thing? This is a crock, right? - Erin A.
You said a LOT of things that make sense there. Poor Danica Patrick (who is NOT attractive) stood no chance against you. But, sadly, you will probably lose in the second round, as Lane Kiffin looks more dominant in this thing than the UConn women. What a damn joke.
But, you are still one of my favorites. You might even get me to watch Dancing With The Stars. No promises, though. The only thing that could make that show worse is if they had Dan Hawkins coaching.
Do the Duke boosters get to make the basketball tournament selections and matchups? - Scott G., Georgetown, KY (another actual question!!!)
I don't believe so, but I know where you're going with this. Duke's road to the Final Four seems incredibly easy. Villanova struggled late in the season and still got a #2 seed in their region. Their #3 seed is Baylor, who no one cared about enough to watch. And, the #4 seed in their bracket is a team that lost its best player and got beat by Minnesota by 27 points in their last game (Purdue).
To an outsider, it may appear that Duke has a simple road to the Final Four. But, what has Duke done in the last few years that makes anyone think they'll even get to the Elite Eight? In 2007, they were upset by Virginia Commonwealth in the opening round. In 2008, they barely escaped Belmont in the first round and then were beaten in the second round by West Virginia. Last year, they were beaten by 23 points in the Sweet Sixteen by Villanova. Duke's success in the tourney is a thing of the past.
People want to see Duke on TV. People want to see Kentucky on TV. People would LOVE to see Duke and Kentucky play each other in the Final Four. The NCAA knows this. The selection committee knew this. CBS definitely knows this. Does that mean that the selection process is rigged or that Duke gets favored more than any other teams that draw ratings? No, probably not.
But, for all the Duke haters, it was just one more bullet in their ammunition. Hell, Pitino will probably knock them out in the second round.
Who are you going to make fun of this week? - Multiple readers
No one. I don't need to piss anyone off when there are brackets to fill out and pools to win.
*As always, these emails are fake, unless otherwise noted. I'd love to have more actual submissions though.
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