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18 February 2010
You wouldn't think it, but we get hundreds (if not thousands) of emails a week from StadiumDrives.com readers. Some of them tell us how great we are, others how bad we are. Often, we'll get tips of stories. Sometimes, sites will even let us know that they stole our work, it was a hit on their site and thank us. Others just write in for advice or have questions about their life. I decided to give the old inbox a cleaning and pick out some of the best (and worst) emails.*
Do you not get the message? I haven't called or texted you back in months. Please, for the love of everything that is good and holy, leave me the (expletive) alone. - (Name withheld) (Location irrelevant)
Oh... um, how did that get in there? Moving on.
Some of my friends keep telling me I'm cheating at Words With Friends because I use websites that tell me big words to play and tell me where to play the move. I'm not cheating. I can't cheat... I'm a man of the cloth! - Richard G., Lexington, KY
Look, Mr. Minister, you are cheating. It must be your incessant need to never lose that's making you cheat, but if you use anything other than your own mind to get a word, you're cheating. Sure, Words With Friends lets some very questionable words in play, but those are the rules. At the very least, we can live by an honor system that we won't use the internet to aid us. Also, while we're on the subject, here's a little Words With Friends etiquette. If you make the last move in a game, you automatically start the new game. If you won the previous game, you let the loser go first, it's just the right thing to do. Don't be the guy who beats the hell out of someone and then takes the Double Word score on your first play. That's just not nice, especially if you're a man of the cloth.
The refs stole the gam from us! I through a Coke at one of em and almost got him! (Expletive) the Wildcats and (same expletive) Demarkus Cusins! - Randy Randall, Starkville, MS
Good job! For your next trick, you should do the world a favor and throw a full bottle of Coke at your penis as hard as you can. Keep doing this until you pass out from the pain. Hopefully at that point, you will have done enough damage so that you can't ever have children and there will be one less mouthbreather in the world.
More emails if you follow along after the jump.
Who the hell is Evan Turner? - J. Wall, KY via NC
That's a great question. He is an overrated player who has inflated stats because the team he plays on is not very good. They got beat by Purdue at home last night and Thad Matta only played six players for the Buckeyes. Hell, Big Ten teams can only score 50 points in a game, so someone has to score for them. Had Turner not scored, Ohio State would have finished the game with less than 30 points. If Evan Turner beats you for player of the year, it's obviously because you are too good. PS - I love your dance.
Dude you are the man! I have been getting killed by everyone lately and you are the only one that has my back! You can come to LA to watch a game anytime you want and I'll set you up with some of our "support staff (and they are way better looking than the ones from Knoxville)" while you're out here. Fight on! - L. Kiffin, Los Angeles, CA
Coach, you are the man! Chase your dream. If a better opportunity presents itself, you have to take it, right? I'd love to come for a visit to watch a game. By the way, is your wife on the "support staff?"
Will you stop writing about how much you love Lane Kiffin? You know what he did to my Tennessee Vols, right? I get that you like to stir stuff up and be the guy who takes the opposite side and all that, but you're seriously going to defend that idiot? I don't know if it's legal to kick someone off a blog when they write for free, but I'm seriously considering it. - Grubby
Whoops. Damn.
On behalf of our organization, we'd like to thank you. You have made bullet points cool and have brought them back into the national spotlight. We are so glad that you realize how effective they are and how much more intelligent you look when using them. May God bless you and whatever children you have. - R. Brinke, Chairman of The National Association For The Awareness of Bullet Points, Knoxville, TN
Whoa, awesome. And I didn't even think to post this in bullet point form. Damn. Regardless, I hope I don't have any kids, and the prospects don't look good. Um, do you guys have a "support staff?"
Am I hot? - T. Swift, Nashville, TN
I have absolutely no idea. Sometimes, I look at you and get a tingle in my special place. Other times, I can't tell if you are actually from this planet. One suggestion, try and not have your eye shadow make it appear as if your eyes start on the top of your head. I've seriously looked at that picture for thirty minutes and cannot tell if you are hot or not.
Haha, you have an iPhone after you talked for years about how much you hated Apple. Try living life without an iPhone now, (expletive). You will be a small calf suckling on Apple's billion dollar teat for the rest of your life. (Same expletive used before). - S. Jobs, Silicon Valley, CA
I'd love to respond, but I can't. I'm way too busy checking Twitter/Facebook/Words With Friends/Chess With Friends and downloading "Party in the USA."
Have you seen this Purdue team? They are (expletive) awesome. They're the best basketball team I've ever seen. People wondered if UK could beat the Nets, Purdue could beat the Cavs... or Lakers! Robbie Hummell is the next Larry Bird. Wait, he's better than Larry Bird, already. National Title, here we come! I mean, we just beat Ohio State at home, we have to be awesome, right? - Gage, Lafayette, IN
I thought Grubby was the biggest homer I'd ever met. Then, I read your posts about Purdue. Congratulations. Remind me to send you some suicide hotline numbers before the second round of the NCAA Tournament.
Is "Operation Win" the stupidest slogan for a football program ever? - Joker, Lexington, KY
Yes, yes it is.
Am I hot? - L. Vonn, Vancouver, BC, Canada (for the moment)
Oh yeah. There's no question there. You are super hot and I don't have to wonder what planet you're from when I'm looking at you, both of these are good things.
How come nobody ever talks about me? - Erin C., Med School
Not sure. Are you as hot as your younger sister? No. Are you still attractive. Hell yes. Plus, you are obviously into sports since you can defend your dad better than anyone in the country. And, your dad tweeted today that you're going to med school. That is a plus. Let's see here, we have an attractive female who is into sports, is going to med school and has a dad that coaches at the best basketball school in the country (according to almost everyone except Gage)? Check, check, check and check. Call me. Also, happy birthday baby.
Is this post going to get you fired/sued/in trouble? - J. Cohron, Lexington, KY
I'd say all three are highly possible.
* = None of that was true. I'm not even sure if we have an email address for this site. If we do, I sure as hell don't know about it. I'm almost positive that none of these emails are real.
