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07 April 2010
You wouldn't think it, but we get hundreds (if not thousands) of emails a week from StadiumDrives.com readers. Some of them tell us how great we are, others how bad we are. Often, we'll get tips of stories. Sometimes, sites will even let us know that they stole our work, it was a hit on their site and thank us. Others just write in for advice or have questions about their life. I decided to give the old inbox a cleaning again and pick out some of the best (and worst) emails.* If you can't decipher our e-mail address from the sidebar and would like to send something in, send it via Twitter to @JoshCohron.
Ha. That was fun. And awkward. See you again in 18 months. - (Name withheld) (Location irrelevant)
Hey, another female wrote in! She is right on all accounts. Except the fun part.
I know you pride yourself in being a contrarian. But, you couldn't have wanted to go so against the grain that you cheered for Duke in the National Championship, right? - A. Banks, Indy
When it comes to college basketball, I don't "cheer" or "root" for any team but Kentucky (the lone exception: gambling). But, I was at a crossroads trying to figure out which team I preferred winning. On one hand, Duke is Duke. They're obnoxious and pretentious. No one likes them. On the other hand, a mid-major like Butler winning a title makes the title less legitimate.
When it came down to it, I just didn't watch. It was a crappy game. I don't watch crappy games unless Kentucky is involved. Family Guy was on TBS, so I watched that. If I want to watch bad white players missing 3s, I'll get a video of my last rec-league game.
The Final Four just ended. I hate baseball. What the hell am I supposed to watch until college football starts??? - (multiple readers)
First off, everything will be fine through June. The NBA Playoffs are fascinating television, whether you watch the NBA regular season or not. This summer won't be too bad, actually. I can't think of a better way to explain all the things to watch than with bullet points!
- The Masters: People aren't going to treat Tiger well all weekend. At some point, some mouthbreather will yell something. It will be inappropriate. It will probably also be hilarious.
- The Kentucky Derby: I'm not even going to make a "fastest two minutes" sex joke. They're just too easy at this point.
- The Preakness: It's a horse race like the Derby, but it's in Maryland, so the people in attendance will be uglier.
- Memorial Day Weekend: Who needs sports? Find a friend with a pool and move in with them for the weekend.
- The World Cup: Sure, it's soccer, but it's the best kind of soccer. Plus, soccer groupies are hot.
- The US Open: This will be less strict than the Masters, plus more on Tiger's scandals will have come out. The mouthbreathers should be out in full force.
- The NBA Draft: See where half of Kentucky's team will be playing next year! Interviews with European players are always entertaining as well ("I liking to play the basketballs. It making me to have the good times.").
- Wimbledon/The (British) Open: Neither are that interesting, but making fun of British people's teeth is always an easy way to spend an afternoon.
- The World Basketball Championships: It's like Olympic Basketball, but none of the players care after they qualify for the Olympics. LeBron, Kobe and Carmelo should all be there, so highlights of US players dunking on players from third-world countries will be in abundance. Feel good America!
- The Little League World Series: This is my favorite event of the summer. Will there be another team that grabs America's attention like the team from Chula Vista did last summer? We can only hope.
If you don't like any of those, you can always watch NASCAR. Or, you can just drink beer until football returns.
Click Read More or I'll spend the rest of the mailbag breaking down the Padres' pitching rotation.
Can Tiger win the Masters? Has Brubaker given you two cars yet? - Chris C., KY
Can Tiger win the Masters? Of course he can win the Masters. Think of how much he's getting to work on his golf game now that he's not trying to bang every Perkin's hostess he sees. He might never lose again.
Brubaker still hasn't paid up on our bet. For those new readers, Brubaker and I made a bet before the 2008 golf season. Brubaker said Tiger would win at least two majors, I took the under. We put our cars up as the stakes. Tiger won one major, I got no car from Brubaker. We went double-or-nothing for 2009. Tiger won zero majors. I didn't get two cars. I'm assuming Brubaker will go double-or-nothing again. Or, he can give me his car and buy me a Bentley. Either works for me.
Is it true that Jamie Lee Curtis is a hermaphrodite and when he/she was born his/her parents shaved his penis down to make her a clitoris? - Tyler, Perryville, KY (actual submission!)
As glad as I usually am by actual submissions, this one had me confused. After I did some research, there are a lot of websites on the internet that purport that Jamie Lee Curtis was born a hermaphrodite. Hell, the popular Snopes.com couldn't debunk this one. I have no idea as to whether this is true. Jamie Lee Curtis was pretty sexy back in the day, so I hope not.
While I'm not a doctor, I think I can safely say that a shaved down penis cannot be made into a clitoris. Well, I'm at least 94% sure.
Don't you think Geno Auriemma should bow out at UConn and try and coach a men's team? - Randy, Pippa Passes, KY
It never ceases to amaze me the interest we get from Pippa Passes! Alas, I digress. Yes, Geno Auriemma should coach a men's team. Would a great basketball player just stay in the NBDL? Would a baseball player rather spend his career in AAA than going to the big leagues?
There's one reason he might be sticking around to coach the ladies...
I thought maybe he had a thing with some of his players, but have you seen some of his players? Diana Taurasi? Rebecca Lobo? I'll let Kevin McAllister take over:
Let's just hope that's not going on. We wouldn't want another Pokey situation. Also, anytime I can link to BlackAthlete.net, I will.
Hermaphrodites, players sleeping with coaches... end this. Now. - J. Cohron
Yes, this must end. This can go nowhere but bad. Or worse.
*As usual, these emails are fake unless noted. We love actual submissions though!
