Which UK (Ex) Coach Will Be The Next To Fall?

Written by Ian | 31 August 2009

It's no secret that the fraternity of UK basketball coaches have been busy during the offseason.  Rick Pitino started things off hot this summer with his rumored affair with Karen Sypher.  That of course went on a whirlwind tour with charges of extortion, alleged baby-in-the-womb killing, sex in a restaurant, and culminated last week with Pitino's bizarre news conference where he blasted the media for, well, doing their job.

We also had current coach John Calipari being somewhat involved/not involved/solely responsible for Derrick Rose cheating on an entrance exam that qualified him for college.  He of course took Cal's Memphis squad to the title game, jumped town for the NBA, and nothing has really resulted from the trip.

Then we have Billy.  Oh, Billy.  What are we going to do with you?  Picked up in Lawrenceburg on charges of DUI, Gillispie had to don an orange jump suit and stand in front of a judge for the third time in his life claiming innocent of driving under the influence of alcohol.  Coach Gillispie's two previous charges of DUI don't really give him much of a leg to stand on, and his record at UK may make it tough to dodge this one.  I'm guessing he'll lawyer up enough to get this knocked down from DUI to something like a non-moving violation, but it's still yet another chapter in a weird and wacky summer for guys who've stalked (or will stalk) the sidelines for the Big Blue.

All of this action got us thinking, "who will be the next ex-UK coach to get into some kind of wacky shenanigans?"  Follow us down the rabbit hole and we'll discuss the possible miscreants.

Eddie Sutton: Coach Sutton is an easy target.  At age 69 he crashed his automobile while under the influence.  No one doubted at that time that the influencing stimulant was likely a double barrel full of whiskey.  Sutton is a notorious lush and while sad, it was really no surprise when he had his accident.  While we hope Eddie has gotten control of some of his demons, we're betting he'll be able to string one more news worthy night of drinking together and get a serious Nick Nolte-esque mug shot out of the deal.

Joe B. Hall: Now this is a real long shot.  Joe B. is generally too busy making awesome commercials and yucking it up with Denny Crum on the radio to get into too much trouble.  That said, I can definitely see a scenario where Joe B. and Denny are out at bingo on a Wednesday having a few drinks.  One B7 later they're rolling in dough and decide that third Woodford isn't such a bad idea.  When things go South Joe B. and Denny are probably picked up by local police after an epic battle of pantsless one-on-one down by the schoolyard.  Of course Julio is there as referee.

Adolph Rupp:  While this may seem like an even bigger long shot than Coach Hall getting in trouble (Coach Rupp passed away in '77) I've got one word for you: zombie.  Yes, I could see Coach Rupp getting so disgusted at how college basketball has turned out in the Bluegrass the last 11 years that he returns from the grave to wreck havoc on former players, coaches, and even cheerleaders.  He's probably disgusted by the lack of championships in the past decade and probably stops off at Coach Cal's house to tell him he'll be back again if he doesn't get shit straight real fast.  This is the most scary scenario of all that we've discussed.  Seriously, you've seen old tapes of Rupp's scowls on the sidelines.  Just imagine that after 32 years of not being allowed to coach anyone but Michael J. Fox.

Those are some of the most likely scenarios we can see playing out, friends, but we're guessing the rest of the summer will be pretty quiet.  That is unless Donna lets Orlando into the egg nog in September again.  That's always ugly.