TPS Week 4; "Bring a Boat"

Written by Josh Cohron | 25 September 2009

Hello, friends. Grubby passed this off to me this week. Just remember to breathe and you'll be okay.

It's another weekend filled with games that no one would watch if there were anything better on TV. Congratulations to Miami and Virginia Tech for playing the only game featuring two ranked teams. Oh well, it's football and you don't have a life anyway. In local flavor, Ian's Kentucky Wildcats host Bru's Florida Gators. The game shouldn't be close, but it has been raining in Lexington for what seems like weeks (three days) and doesn't look to stop anytime in the next year (Sunday). Will the weather affect Tebow and the might Gator offense? Probably not. They played Florida State last year in what the announcers referred to as a tsunami and came out of that game with a big win. Apparently, Tebow can walk on water... or a worse joke about him.

Moving on, let's look at last week's results. Two great young leaders in the country, Brubaker and I, went perfect. I would talk about how wonderful we are, but most of you have seen pictures of us from Keeneland. Both Holly and Ian only missed one game. Colin barely stayed above .500, but let's call that a win. Grubby picked more losers than winners. Burnsy was obviously not mentally in the game after having this happen. Even Patches couldn't console him. Eric is rumored to still be a bit tipsy from the night he and Grubby met... five weeks ago.

There's no reason to not see what kind of disasters there are after the jump. And there are PLENTY.  Hmm... well, as everyone would have expected, I can't get the helmet thing to work. The file is something that Excel apparently won't open. What's that? Yes, I do work at a computer services company, what does that matter? Everybody's name will be next to the team they picked. Sorry this isn't as cool as when Grubby does this. When found for comment, Grubby had this to say about my performance today.

I know, I didn't know he spoke Serbian either.

Mississippi (Ian, Brubaker, Grubby, Holly, Cohron, Burnsy)  @ South Carolina (Colin, ERIC!!)

Jevan just doesn't sound like a white guy name does it? I remember hearing about this kid when he was a high school senior, and I was shocked the first time I saw his picture. In fact, I thought it was a mistake, possibly a prank from a fan and/or heckler. You know, like the Wikipedia page that lists QBs that David Cutcliffe has worked with (go ahead - check it out) - Bru (ed. note - seriously, check it out)

Houston Nutt teams always have a couple losses per season when his leftover Boss Hawg tendencies run wind. Playing the Cocks on the road reads like one of them. Of course, this is dependent upon the rebellious locks of Stephen Garcia...I've made a huge mistake. /GOB'd - Colin

The Rebels will have a great season until my friend Tim Tebow leads my Florida Gators to the promised land once again. - Burnsy

There is no chance that Steve Spurrier is not playing golf today. - Cohron

Looking far into the future to pick this Thursday game is going to be difficult. But I think South Carolina will take it. Call it a hunch. - ERIC!!

North Carolina (Ian, Grubby, Burnsy) @ Georgia Tech (Brubaker, Holly, Colin, ERIC!!, Cohron)

Georgia Tech will engineer a win at Bobbydodd. - ERIC!!

Georgia Tech ran three plays against Miami last week. Perhaps George O'Leary's legacy lives on. - Burnsy

The Tar Heels are an injury away from having a Paulus on the field. That's never good - Bru

I'd rather catch the H1N1 virus than catch ACC football fever. - Cohron

Since this is being played in the ATL and we are talking about the Tar Heels, who can snatch mediocrity from any modicum of progress towards excellence in football, I'm betting on another Clemson-type game where GT wins by 3 despite jumping out to a gargantuan lead. - Colin

California (Ian, Brubaker, Grubby, Holly, Colin, Cohron, Burnsy) @ Oregon (ERIC!!)

Jahvid is the Best!! Ha ha. Get it? Here, I'll explain. See, his last name is Best, and he's also a good player. Follow so far? So when you say he's the best, you're also saying his name. It's a play on words. Thank you - I'll be here all week. Be sure to tip your waitress - Bru

I really appreciate the name Jahvid. His Wiki page explains that it is the combination of Jah and the last syllable of David. Whew! Thanks for that astute observation, Wiki authors. I would have been trying to figure out that puzzle for days. - Cohron

I like the new Oregon jerseys that have the wings on the shoulders. They're like big green tampons. - Burnsy

Hmmm. My brain tells me Cal wins this game easily. But Oregon seems to find a way to win these backbreakers at home. Duck it. I'm picking Oregon. - ERIC!!

I'm going to get some serious sort of karmic payback for picking against Oregon repeatedly whilst living in the damn state. - Colin

Miami (Ian, Brubaker, Grubby, Holly, Colin, ERIC!!)  @ Virginia Tech (Cohron, Burnsy)

Wasn't the U more fun when they were constantly having players arrested? I'm not sure I like this new breed of Canes...talented but not thuggish. Just doesn't seem right - Bru

Jacory Harris has said that he will be at the Heisman ceremony this year wearing a pink suit. He went on to say he will bring a pimp goblet and have an afro. Statements like this make it worth it for Miami to be good again. - Cohron

"Y'know why you're not movin'? Yer Tyrod's busted, that's why." My mechanic is a very wise man. I'm picking Miamifl. - ERIC!!

My man-crush on Jacory Harris and active dislike of VT's begrudging attempts to play offense dictate all - Colin

Is Florida's Big 3 finally back? No. Not even close. - Burnsy

Arizona State (Grubby) @ Georgia (Ian, Brubaker, Holly, Colin, ERIC!!, Cohron, Burnsy)

A friend of mine who lives out west told me he once saw Dennis Erickson swimming with a styrofoam noodle in a hotel swimming pool. I can't get that image of a frail, non-bouyant old man out of my head when picking football games. I think Georgia will run'em hard. - ERIC!!

Fun fact: Mark Richt still has a job because people in Georgia are stupid. - Burnsy 

This will be Mike Bobo's week to suck, since the defense was beaten to a bloody pulp last week. However, Arizona State's the wrong team to ask to take advantage. - Colin

Having been to both Athens and Tempe and having witnessed the extreme attractiveness of ladies in both locations, the best thing we can hope for is plenty of crowd shots during this game. Wow. Makes me wish I wasn't so ugly - Bru

If there were a, "Which school has hotter blonde girls?" contest at halftime, I would be more apt to watch. - Cohron

Louisville @ Utah (Ian, Brubaker, Grubby, Holly, Colin, ERIC!!, Cohron, Burnsy)

Judge Chamberlain Haller: What is a yute?
[beat]
Vinny Gambini: Oh, excuse me, your honor...
[exaggerated]
Vinny Gambini: Two YOUTHS.
 
Utah continues to poop on the BCS party with a big win here. - ERIC!!

I will always be fond of Utah for bringing our attention to Urban Meyer so my Florida Gators would eventually hire him to be the greatest coach in college football history. - Burnsy

What is up with Steve Kragthorpe? Ranting and raving after the UK game about kicking his player's ass if that player felt bad about costing the Cards the game? Does that even make sense? Would this qualify him as a player's coach? Who wouldn't want to play for a guy who lifts your spirits by beating you senseless? - Bru

Death, taxes, and Kragthorpian futility. - Colin

Someone who writes for this blog that really likes Tennessee asked me the other night if I had been watching "Glee." It was not a joke. Nonetheless, I think I would watch "Glee" before I would watch this game. - Cohron

Texas Tech (Ian, Grubby, Holly, ERIC!!, Cohron) @ Houston (Brubaker, Colin, Burnsy)

CUSA represent, son. Can't wait for Houston to play UCF for the Knights' Homecoming. - Burnsy

I like life better when Texas Tech isn't very good, simply because Mike Leach talks less. - Cohron

Houston, we have a problem. The scoreboard only allows for hundreds in the passing yardage tally. I want to say that Houston's home field will give them the advantage, but I believe the Detestable Mr. Leach will carry the day. - ERIC!!

Now withdrawing the entire contents of my bank account to bet the Over on this game. - Colin

I would never endorse gambling on a sporting event. But if I did, I would say take the over - Bru