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TPS Week 3; "Duck and Cover!"

Written by Grubby | 18 September 2009

tps

So I'm hitting the road this week.  No, not to Gainesville, and definitely not in orange pants.  To Knoxville, where it will be safe.  To where I can commiserate with friends and family after the certain televised beatdown Saturday at 3:30.  To where my momma lives, on her birthday.

But before I hit the road, let's recap where we stand.

Holly went 6-7 last week with only Jonathon Crompton standing in her way.  I think she has, however, figured out the remedy to this situation.  Eric went for 5, and was kind enough to send me the phrase of the day from Knoxville last week, and I don't think our editors will allow me to put it on the front page here.  Burnsy, Colin, Bru, and Cohron are simply disappointments to the picking profession(?).

The Tebows are leading the Kiffins 39-33 on the year.  If only Saturday's score could be so close.

On to this week's games, after the duck and cover. tpswk3

No. 14 Georgia Tech at No. 20 Miami (FL)
I'm getting tired of tropical storms named Gladys or Timothy. Let's name the next one Hurricane Jacory. CANES. - ERIC!!
I thought the game last week between Army and Duke would have the highest discrepancy of team IQs. Obviously, I forgot these two teams played. - Cohron
Miami is a pure "home game" pick. The Bees buzzed for about a quarter last week and the Canes had more time off. - Colin
At one point Nesbit was 2-12 for 40 yards and 2 picks in the Clemson game.  That won't hack it against the Canes. -Ian
The 'Canes ain't havin any of this triple-option bull sh*t - Bru
After this loss, the entire Puerto Rican population of Florida can put their Bennie Blades jerseys back in their hatchbacks for another year. - Burnsy

Louisville at Kentucky
This Kool Aid is delicious!  But it's filling!  -Ian
Yeah, I'm getting the hell out of town before this thing starts. - Grubby
I tried to find an expert opinion on this game and the best I got was: "MAH SISTER DUN KISS ME WIFF HER PURTY MOUF." - Burnsy
The scraping of the bottom of the barrel by Steve Kragthorpe ought to continue unabated in Lexington. - Colin
Kentucky. Turns out, Petrino was onto something when he started recruiting thugs, criminals and troublemakers. In other Louisville news, did you know Derrick Caracter is playing college hoops again? Yep- he's on the UTEP roster.  Am I too excited about this?  - Bru
Louisville has two prominent players that played football at the same high school Brubaker and I attended. That is not a good sign for Louisville football. - Cohron
Steve Kragtorpe? Rich Brooks? *YAWN* Wake me up when one of these guys knocks up a waitress or murders a teenager. Nothing less will do in the Commonwealth. Umm... Kragthorpe by a chin. - ERIC!!

Boston College at Clemson
Dabo sounds like something you'd put on your Sham Wow to clean up tough spills.  -Ian
Are you picking these games from my best-selling book, "Road Trips For Guys Who Love Fat Chicks"? - Burnsy
his is one of those games where I don't know shit about either team except what color they wear. So there's really only one way to settle this. Gregory P. Barber & Family Head Coach Frank Spaziani's mustache ---> Plain Old Head Coach Dabo Swinney's bare lip. - ERIC!!
Clemson. Can we start a petition for Clemson to never have to wear the purple jersey/purple pants combination again? It makes my eyes bleed - Bru
Clemson actually showed flashes of offensive coherence by not just giving in against GT, and I don't remember BC actually beating anyone of consequence so far. - Colin
Have I gotten to mention the attractive, blonde sorority girls at Clemson yet? No? Well, no wonder I did so awful last week. - Cohron

No. 19 Nebraska at No. 13 Virginia Tech
Sorry, gotta root for the meteor here. Fuck both of these programs sideways with a backhoe. Then again, Virginia Tech, because I need Baby Mangino to feel confident about winning the Big 12 North this year. - ERIC!!
Welcome back, Huskers. We're oh so close to never having to hear about Tom Osborne again. - Burnsy
I wouldn't bet on this game with Burnsy's money. - Cohron
As nice as it would be to see, I don't think Bo Pelini's quite resuscitated the Blackshirts, especially not on the road, so give it to the Hokies. The Big XII North is horrific. - Colin
You know I love corn but it's tough to win in Blacksburg.  -Ian
Va Tech. If your name was Tyrod, wouldn't you just go by Ty? Or maybe Rod? Not that there's anything wrong with Tyrod, but it doesn't exactly roll off the tongue when you're spitting game to white sorority girls at parties - Bru

No. 18 Utah at Oregon
I feel like Oregon set the bar too high in week one. Somebody's going to have to get a cheerleader preggers on the field for me to care again this season. - Burnsy
Utah at Orgeron? That's gonna be close. Utah has the national ranking, but Orgeron has the pure, bull-headed cussedness to win this game single-handedly. However, I don't think he'll be able to adequately prepare for Utah while simultaneously getting together a gameplan for Monsignor Tebow. Utah wins. - ERIC!!
If South Park taught us anything it's that Mormon is the correct choice.  -Ian
There are far too many teams featuring Mormons in the top 25. - Cohron
Note to Utah...do not say anything to Mr. Blount. He's...uh...whats the best way to say this....a bit moody - Bru
Utah's not really played anybody and Oregon's not looked that great against anyone they've played. Sadly, I can't base my pick on what type of uniforms the U of O wears. - Colin

Wyoming at Colorado
I will never pick Colorado again. - Burnsy
Ditto - Grubby
Cowboys playing the Horns tough was a fluke.  Give me Wonder Dan.  -Ian
Someone needs to remind Dan Hawkins that he's coaching DIVISION ONE FOOTBALL, BROTHER. This is not the time to keep leaning on your undersized, weak-armed son at QB. - Colin
(AND RIGHT ON CUE:)
Dan Hawkins, you SOB, I thought we were PLAYING DIVISION ONE FOOTBALL?!?!? - Cohron
Look- I know Colorado sucks. Big time. But there's no way they lose at home to freakin' Wyoming right? I'll probably regret this - Bru
WYOMING!! - ERIC!!

No. 23 Georgia at Arkansas
ARKANSAS - Why the hell not? - Burnsy
The Razorbacks crushed Missouri State last week in Little Rock, so they're amply prepared for Georgia. /Petrino'd - ERIC!!
I can't, in good conscience, pick Petrino to win anything.  -Ian
Why do I have so much faith in Georgia? Their offense isn't great, and their defense blows. Then again, this is Arkansas. Casey Dick isn't walking through that door - Bru
Georgia has this unique ability to forget how to play defense on the road. - Colin

Comment of the week: (UGA-Ark)
I think I would rather watch one of the 94 episodes of "NCIS" that Grubby has on our DVR than watch this game. - Cohron

Worst of luck, teams!

Reminder, nobody talks shit about Mark Harmon and gets away with it.

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