Tailgate Pick'em Scramble Week 1; A rebirth

Written by Grubby | 04 September 2009

Despite the outrageously awful football played last night, we are, in fact, underway.  What that means, of course, for those of you that wandered over from our old digs, is that the Scramble rides again.  We've got some of the same incredibly hilarious crew back from last year and one sparkling new face (and actual journalist... so don't scare him off).

The returning guest expert panelists and joke-slingers are below.  Included are some of my very favorite tweets from each.

Holly Anderson from EDSBS and Yahoo! Sports.  She's also the person I stole the phrase "blatant homerism" from and enjoys all things velociraptor and shark.  Just don't piss her off. "'You're doing a real disservice to all the women out there who actually are smart about sports.' That's going in my sidebar."

Eric Angevine from damn near every sports publication east of the Mississippi, including StormingTheFloor.net and ESPN The Magazine.  Just don't let him try to tell you he accidentally dropped that tumbler of blue shit on himself.  It was intentional cocktail homicide. "I know he's an insufferable elitist, but I'd have a beer with the guy."

"The Gentleman" Ashley Burns from the Ashley Burns for Mayor of Orlando in 2012 campaign you've seen on your nightly news.  And most Central Florida bars.  "I'd like to do something genuinely fun this weekend. Like stab a clown."

And introducing Colin Seiler, the former proprietor of one of my favorite blogs (Signal2Noise) which he unmercifully killed last winter, and member of the original Channel 4 News Team, now tooling around somewhere in the Pacific Northwest working as a real journalist.  We're lucky to have him, and if he makes it 3 weeks, he will have bested T. Kyle King's '08 effort.  Go easy early, kids. "...finds something appealing about getting a beer with his haircut, even if it is a High Life."

The SD crew will include myself, E, Cohron, and Bru.  We will be debuting a little different format this year.  While we will be splitting into teams of mortal enemies after week 1 (teams completely chosen by this week's winner), it's every man for himself until then.*

Kige Ramsey was unable to commit this season but asked that I mail him a reminder next summer.  I think he thought I was his dentist.

On with the picks, little helmets, one-liners, and Stephen Garcia jokes.

South Carolina @ NC State

Good thing Smelley is catching now, he sure as Hell couldn't throw it. - E

The ref who leveled Stephen Garcia last year is now on scholarship at NC State - Bru

Steve Spurrier's spurning of Tebow means that I will pick the Cocks in every week. Do you know how serious I am? I didn't laugh when I wrote Cocks... hehehehe. - Mr. Ashley

Going with NC State here. The Ol' Ball Coach will want to give Garcia the hook after one quarter but will realize there's no one to go to, really. - Colin

Oregon @ Boise State

Oregon vs. Boise State? Might as well call this the Eyesore Bowl. This is a toss-up to me, plus it's on a weeknight, which is always dangerous for the supposed higher-echelon team. In solidarity with my new home state, I'll take the Ducks and hope I'm not wrong. - Colin

It doesn't help that my name is Ashley, but I'm making this pick based solely on uniforms. F Oregon's uniforms in the A.

Come on. A Duck against a Bronco? Too easy - Bru

Kentucky at Miami (OH)

This marks the 1,771,942,871,982,741th thing that Kentucky is better than Ohio in. - Mr. Ashley

Blue Kool-Aid, Ian. Ian, blue Kool-Aid. Now I don't want no trouble outta you two. - E

Someone is going to have to explain to me why Kentucky is giving up a home game to play in a smaller, yet equally as empty, stadium 90 miles away. - Grubby

No offense may still be better than a low-level MAC defense. - Colin

Mike Hartline is back for the Cats. Do I need to say more? OK yeah, I probably should. Umm...ah screw it. UK won't lose to Miami - Bru

Georgia at Oklahoma State

Picking against the SEC twice this week. Hey, it's early. - E

Dez Bryant is kind of good. As in, he had more receiving yards by himself than several teams last year good. As in, he'll be holding out of training camp next year good - Bru

You mean an SEC team is actually playing an interesting OOC game? Whoa. Oklahoma State, please -- returning most of the offensive play-makers seems to have the edge on "new starting QB." - Colin

Maryland at California

For some reason UCF keeps hiring offensive coaches that have ties to Maryland. So screw them. - Mr. Ashley

All they have to do is contain Grevis Vasquez, and then....wait. Wrong sport. Anyways, Cal wins because, well...it's Maryland football - Bru

Wildfires are nothing to joke about. Urban blight on the other hand... - Grubby

Alabama vs. Virginia Tech

I was down in Alabama last weekend, and met perhaps the most gorgeous girl I have ever talked to in real life, who was from there (sadly, so was her boyfriend). This really has nothing to do with the football game, but it does make me like the state of Alabama a whole lot more - Bru

Virginia Tech lost its top RB and is dependent upon both the feet and arm of Tyrod Taylor to create any sort of offense, right? That'll go well with Alabama's defense. Tide in a cakewalk. - Colin

Baylor at Wake Forest

UCF now has a QB who transferred from Wake Forest. So screw them. - Mr. Ashley

What kind of bear is best? Uh, Baylor bear? FALSE! In every way imaginable. - E

I have nothing even remotely interesting to say about this game. Seriously. Give me one reason why I should care about this one. I don't even know that I can name more than about 5 players who will be playing in this one. Good thing there's other games to occupy my time this weekend - Bru

I'm betting on the sheer power of Riley Skinner's bowl cut (I presume he still has it), although anyone who doesn't love watching Robert Griffin under center for Baylor just doesn't like football. - Colin

Wake Forest is a really sad name. - Grubby

Comment of the week:

Stephen Garcia passing yards...36 (with 3 INTs and a fumble, plus one DUI afterwards) - Bru

*woman/herself