Tuesday Morning Classifieds: Put That Flag Back In Your Pocket!

Written by Ian | 05 October 2009

Early in the season a University of Tennessee fan (allegedly) placed a post on popular internet swap meet site Craig's List for the services of their quarterback Jonathon Crompton.  In that spirit we offer you the best deals going today in college sports.

For Sale: One referee jersey.  Location: Athens, GA.  Price: one SEC win.  Item Description: For sale is one gently used, but media-worn SEC football official.  Decision making is questionable, but will draw media attention for your conference.  Flag throwing ability is above average and ability to keep excitement in a stadium past the time when a game should be over is off the charts.  If you're looking for a greenhorn we're sorry, he already goes by the name of Mikey.  He's pretty set on it but may be willing to adopt a new name if your conference contains any mascots resembling a canine.

For Sale: One gently used quarterback.  Location: Lexington, KY.  Price: Negotiable.  Item Description: Known for managing football games well, this quarterback will lead you a bowl game through a chorus of boos.  Has a knack for avoiding sacks by throwing the ball (sort of) deep over the middle.  Price listed as negotiable because while we really don't have anyone else right now and the fans are really starting to wear on our nerves.

For Sale: 56,321 BR, 432 1/2 Bath, 62 story home.  Location: Ann Arbor, MI.  Price: Faith.  Item Description: Talk about the comforts of home!  This nice, little abode features seating for even the largest picnic!  You'll love the view from the top floor and the home features an oversized atrium in the geometric center.  You like an open floor plan?  Then we have a winner for you.  There's an extra half bath situated anywhere you want.  Drink 12 beers and it magically appears behind any seat in the home you wish it to.  Selling due to the economy being tough on everybody.

For Sale: Set of legs, half an arm, and a side of brains (mostly used up).  Location: Champagne, IL.  Price: About three fifty.  Item Description: For a short time only we're offering a strong, athletic set of legs.  The arm was a throw in at last moment and the brains are just sitting in our closet unused.  Our junk is your treasure!  Previously seen roaming the fields of the Midwest, this item can be put to use immediately.  As an added bonus this featured item goes well with eggs and toast!  (Offer good for one week or until the Fighting Zooks ask for it back.