Waxing Philosophical On Tropicana Field

Written by Ian | 03 August 2009

After 12 hours on the road the missus and I found ourselves in St. Pete Beach this week.  Knowing we were going to the Tampa area, what else would a blogger do but try to finagle his way over to the ball park.  Things worked out well for several reasons.  Two of which were the Royals were in town (meaning cheap tickets via stubhub) and the Tampa Bay Devil Rays stadium is actually in St. Petersburg less than 10 minutes from our resort.

Neither of us are Rays fans so there was some discussion on what we would wear to the game.  I went with my retro Dave Stewart jersey (don't leave home without it) and the girl chose to wear her Cubs hat.  It seemed fitting and the Stewart jersey got several comments.  One came from a guy as soon as I stepped out of my car in the parking lot.  "Sweet Dave Stewart jersey!  Where'd you get it?" he asked.  I broke the news to him that his mom left it on my floor the other night and that she could not have it back.  On to the stadium we went!

We didn't quite know what to expect as we strolled up to a giant dome-shaped baseball stadium.  All we knew is that it was about 90 degrees and 100% humidity at 11 in the morning.  Dome baseball sounded right up our alley at that point.  Little did we know that through the doors (a little upset that there were no actual turnstiles at this venue) we would find live music, chain restaraunts, an ATV riding monster, House, two other Hollywood stars, Willie Bloomquist in real life, and a pair of decent hot dogs.  Hit the jump to hear the rest of the tale of my first (and likely last) trip to Tropicana Field.

The first thing you notice after entering Tropicana Field is the nice, cool breeze of air conditioning.  It recalled a memory of what is now called Chase Field down in Arizona.  Walk in from 90 degrees on the street to a balmy 72 and breezy inside.  Classy.

Immediately following the relief of cool air were several other impressions.  To the left stood a line of 50 or so people waiting on a set of stairs that led mysteriously, well nowhere.  At least that's how it looked initially.  Upon closer inspection this line was quite important.  It led upstairs to a tank full of various assorted rays.  Of course it did.

As the girl and I realized we were heading around toward the wrong side of the stadium (of course one half is odd number sections and one is evens instead of just counting around, how natural!) we reversed course and were greeted by the soothing sounds of acoustic guitar music.  The sounds were too real to be a recording so we began to look about for this mysterious songsmith.  That's when we found him, located 20 feet above our heads on something that amounted to a glorified cat walk.  And things hadn't even begun to get weird yet.

As we continued to make our way around to our seats we noticed an enormous room full of kids playing MLB 2K9 on game systems tied into plasmas.  That's what I call creative marketing.  We also noticed several restaraunts on our way into the park.  There were of course the regular stadium chow places but also of note was an Outback Steakhouse concession stand, a Rally's (though called Checkers), and a Papa John's.  If almost felt like we were at a Legends game for a moment.  We proceeded to try a couple of Hebrew Nationals immediately prior to game time, a la Robbie Bottoms prior to hole number 10 of any golf course in America.  We were not let down as the hot dogs were solid and the beer was cold.

As game time approached an enormous bouncer with a shaved scalp approached the people in the first two rows.  He proceeded to basically run everyone off except us because we had what amounted to second row seats.  We purchased Row D tickets on stubhub prior to heading down and found that we were actually in the second row due to the first three rows of our section having cushy chairs with tables in front.  Score!

The bouncer was awesome though.  He was a dead ringer for Dom from Entourage.  Once he knew you were in your section he was as nice as can be and pretty funny.  He had a great line to a group of teenagers who were obviously moving down for better seats.  "Don't be obvious, and don't be greedy!" he called out to them twice.  It was pretty funny, but also pretty nice of him to say, "hey, everyone can see what you're doing, just be respectful and don't try to move into the first row."

What took the cake was the bouncer in the section over whom to paraphrase the girl's comment, "looked like Ben Stiller in Dodgeball."  Probably the peg of the week on that one.

As if the whole looks like Ben Stiller thing isn't embarassing enough for this guy, he also got punked by the mascot, Raymond.  If you've never watched a Rays game Raymond is this giant monster looking thing that is their mascot (seen at the beginning of this post).  I guess they couldn't afford to repaint South Carolina's mascot suit because that thing could probably pass for a Devil Ray if you look at it sideways.  So Raymond's shoe comes untied, which is ridiculous because his shoe laces are the size of a beach towel.  Somehow he talks Ben Stiller Security Guard (no relation to Tubby Smith Hair) into bending over to tie his shoe for him.  As soon as the dude stoops to lend a hand Raymond starts swinging his hips like he's humping the shit out of this guy.  In the face.

Yes, for all those scoring at home we have (1) Parks and rec day at the ball park (swear to God, 5,000 screaming kids everywhere), (2) a security guard who's a dead ringer for Ben Stiller, and (3) the Tampa Bay mascot forcing faux fellatio upon this poor bastard.  Things were certainly looking up at this point but most of the fireworks were through.

As if seeing a Ben Stiller clone and the guy from Entourage (I still don't feel like IMDB-ing that guy, so sue me) weren't enough we saw Hugh Laurie!  At least I thought it was Hugh Laurie.  For about 15 seconds I was completely fired up at the thought of getting my picture taken with House.  The only reason this appealed to me is I knew how pissed Grubby would be if I came home from Tampa with a picture of House and myself.  In the end the girl assured me it was not House.  I took her word for it as she is in med school and watches about 99% of the medicine-based TV programming available today.  I feel she's a credible witness.

The game itself was a bit dissapointing.  Kazmir and Greinke were throwing against one another, but while Kazmir through 6 solid innings Greinke pitched like ass and allowed 6 runs over 5 innings of work.  It was the most runs he'd given up in a game this year.  We go to the game expecting a chance at a no hitter (at least a shutout!) and we get that performance.  Great.

There were a couple of interesting plays, including a guy nearly going over the wall for a foul ball right next to us.  He got the ball and the enormous security guard had to push his legs down to  get him back over the wall, but it worked out for him in the end.

Overall I'd rate Tropicana Field a must-visit if you're in the Tampa area.  It's definitely not your traditional baseball atmosphere, but if I'm at the beach I don't want traditional.  I want different, and you'll get that in spades at the Trop.  From the A/C kicking cold to a crazy ass mascot that likes to hump and ride ATVs, the Rays home field has something for everybody.  Just don't expect to get a tan at the game.  You'll have to drive back 5 miles to the beach for that.

All imgages provided by Stadium Drives 2009.