Maybe A Bowl Preview?

Written by JYeary | 07 December 2009

It's football bowl season and Stadium Drives is determined to bring you a bowl preview unlike any other.  After weeks of research, hours and hours of manual labor and debate among the staff here is the most extensive bowl preview we could offer.  (All put together in one hour the Monday after the bowls were announced.)

New Mexico Bowl - Fresno St. vs. Wyoming - If you can name 8 players in this game, email me and you can write for this site because we don't and we honestly don't care.

R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl - Southern Mississippi vs. Middle Tennessee State - The Sun Belt and Conference USA clash in this mediocre bowl game sponsored by R+L Carriers.  Is it R and L or R plus L Carriers?  I'd prefer to research the answer to the and/plus question rather than watch this game.

Las Vegas Bowl - Oregon State vs. BYU - Mormons chasing Beavers.  Email your own perverted, politically incorrect jokes about this one.

Poinsettia Bowl - Utah vs. California - I used to sell Poinsettias for my church youth group during Christmas.  We used it as an opportunity to raise money for our annual youth group retreat in the summer.  As much as you care about my selling poinsettias is as much as I care about this game.

Hawaii Bowl - SMU vs. Nevada - lmk/lmk/mlklmlniilimlimnjimlil...................sorry I nodded off and my face hit the key board.

Little Caesars Bowl - Ohio vs. Marshall - $8.47 for a Large Pepperoni Pizza, Crazy Bread and Sauce at Little Caesars.  Tickets to Ohio vs. Marshall game are $6.37.

Emerald Bowl - Boston College vs. Southern California - USC in the Emerald Bowl??  All 5 star recruits at USC are now required to return all the illegal booster money, under the table gifts and freshmen white girl virginities they were given this year.  Is virginities a word?  If it wasn't, it is now.

Music City Bowl - Clemson vs. Kentucky - No matter what the score says and no matter how many all purpose yards Randall Cobb has in this game, any Kentucky fan that says Randall Cobb is better than C.J. Spiller should be shot on the spot.  (Trust me, it will happen.)

Champs Sports Bowl - Miami vs. Wisconsin - Everyone who really thought Miami was going to win the ACC and compete for a National Championship + the number of people who wish Wisconsin was still a relevant football program = 43, the number of tickets sold to this bowl game.

Roady's Humanitarian Bowl - Idaho vs. BGU - Half time entertainment of this game includes clips of Patrick Swayze in Road House, Motley Crue roadies sleeping with band leftovers, an E! True Hollywood Story of truck stop hookers and an infomercial about all the exciting things happening in Idaho.  Tune in for half time, the rest of the game can be ignored.

Insight Bowl - Minnesota vs. Iowa State - Battling to go 7-6, these two teams are sure to create plenty of hype. By hype I mean utter boredom.

Gator Bowl - Florida State vs. West Virginia - Bobby Bowden says goodbye to college football.  Unfortunately for ticket holders, Bowden shows up at the Outback Bowl and then picks a fight with Joe Paterno.

Rose Bowl - Oregon vs. Ohio State - 7-5 odds that LaGarrette Blount punches Jim Tressel in the sweater-vest.

International Bowl - Cubans/Mexicans vs. Polish/Irish (think about it)

Fiesta Bowl - Boise State vs. TCU - From Josh, "TCU vs. Boise State - The least watched BCS Bowl game of all time. TCU 822 Boise State 745."

Games not mentioned in this preview are either too bad to mention, too good to mention or I couldn't think of anything funny to say about them....