Which Football Teams Are Detroit Dinosaurs?

Written by Ian | 26 August 2009

We're less than 10 days away from college football starting and there are football previews for the 2009 season everywhere.  In fact, there have been several on this very site.  Today, we want to look a little deeper than the season and analyze what a few select programs look like right now.

We won't dive into players, positions, or stats.  No, we're just going to draw some parallels between football programs and automotive companies.  There will be some good, some bad, and some flat out ugly comparisons here, but in the end we'll tell you who our BMW's are and who gets stuck with the Kia moniker.  Without further ado, Ladies and Gentleman, the jump!

USC - BMW
This one was simple for me.  Every year USC has as much speed as anyone in the country, a balanced offense and defense, and runs one of the sexier programs in the country.  BMW consistently wins racing titles while putting luxury cars on the road that balance performance with daily comfort.  These are the reasons we think of USC as the BMW of college football.

I think every program in the country, Florida being the only exception, wants to be USC.  At the same time USC seems a little cocky and you just kind of get pissed when you see Pete Carrol's blond, tanned, goofy-smiling ass bounce around in the California sun.  He seems like a decent guy, always happy, but he pisses you off for some reason.  Just like that guy that bounces out of his M3 at the Italian restaurant on Friday night.  He's wearing shades even though the sun's below the horizon.  He's got on a pair of jeans and a graphic tee under his sport jacket.  You think he's a douche but he probably goes home with some hot girl that night.

That's USC in a nutshell.  You might not like them but you have to admit they have game.  They get things done.

Florida - Ferrari
Come on, who else could you compare Florida to right now?  They've won two of the last three national championships.  They've done it with speed everywhere, and they've done it with power up front in the defense.

Much like Ferrari, Florida is the sexiest name in college football.  Ask anybody in the country who they would pick to start a college football team and it's Tebow.  Ask people who know cars what new car they would drive if money is no object and most would say a Ferrari 599 or or 430 Scuderia.  It's just a no-brainer.  Add to the fact that Ferrari is thought of as an exotic car.  Florida can claim exotic in the fact that Percy Harvin (departed 2008) was the most electrifying player in college football last year and Tebow was the best player around.  No one else in the nation had a player like those two.  The hottest college program is the hottest car in the world.

Tennessee & Michigan - GM
UT and Michigan are two very storied programs who have seen a dip in talent and results in the past few seasons.  At this point they're similar to GM in that they have tradition, a die hard fan base, and a good track record overall.  Unfortunately for both programs their recent history has looked a bit like GM's.

Things are looking up though as both fan bases are starting to get excited about the brand again with Lance Kiffin and Rich Rod have rolled into Knoxville and Ann Arbor to breath life into the programs.  Just like the new Camaro (and dropping Hummer) are starting to boost GM's numbers, look for Kiffin and Rodriguez to start doing the same for UT and UM starting this year.  Besides, our buddy Huff loves both UT football and Camaros.

Oklahoma - Ford
I get it Sooner fans, the team is good.  They've been good for a while and they were nearly back on top last year.  They even had a Heisman winner with Bradford.  Just like Ford, they're putting a good product out there and have learned to change their system with the times somewhat, and the results have always been pretty solid.  Because of their sustained history of success and current place, we'll compare Oklahoma to Ford.  Besides, Toby Keith did ads for Ford and the rumor is he may be an Oklahoma fan.

Kentucky - Hyundai
I couldn't let this thing wind down without talking about my home team for a minute.  UK has set a program record by going to, and winning, three consecutive bowl games.  This is a program that won roughly 13 games during my entire tenure as a student.  Now they're starting to turn things around a bit and recruit more talented players.  The problem is, like Hyundai, there's no brand to sell to players.

It doesn't matter how good a product you put on the field (or on the road) you have to build up awareness of that quality.  Hyundai may build some of the best cars on the road right now but most people just discount them as another cheap automaker.  That's starting to change with their current lineup and a small list of awards.  Hopefully Kentucky can keep pace with that type of success.  If not they'll just end up where Vandy is.  On the back lot behind some Kias.